I like to watch the news, because I don't like people very much and when you watch the news ... if you ever had an idea that people were really terrible, you could watch the news and know that you're right.

'After all, he [God] wrote this book here, and in the book it says he made us all to be just like him! So if we're dumb, then God is dumb - and maybe even a li…

For the record, folks; I never took a shit on stage and the closest I ever came to eating shit anywhere was at a Holiday Inn buffet in Fayetteville, North Caro…

When God created Republicans, he gave up on everything else.