'LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! I did not come here tonight to make you laugh! I came here to sell you something! And I want ya to pay particular attention, because The Amazing Master Tool Corporation, a subsidiary of Fly By Night Industries has entrusted who? -- me! -- to show you! -- the handiest and the dandiest kitchen tool you've ever seen, and don't ya wanna know how it works! First you take an ordinary apple! You place the apple between the patented pans! Then you reach for the tool that is not a slicer, not a dicer, not a chopper in a hopper! What in the hell can it possibly be? SLEDGE-O-MATIC!'
More from Gallagher
'Sledge-O-Matic removes unwanted fingerprints from walls. Sledge-O-Matic also removes unwanted walls from fingerprints.'
Permalink to quote #2 'Living in California is like living in a bowl of granola; them around you that ain't fruits or nuts, is flakes.'
Permalink to quote #3 ' 'I before E except after C?' Americans don't want to learn that! They just sort of make an 'I' lookin 'E' and an 'E' lookin 'I' then put the dot, right there…
Permalink to quote #4