One of the main conveniences of marriage is that if you can't stand a visitor, you can pass him along to your wife.

One should never trust a person who, while assuring you of something, puts his hands on his heart.

One of the strangest applications of reason is to believe that it is a masterpiece to abstain from using it and thus, born with wings, to cut them off.

Not only did he not believe in ghosts, he wasn't even afraid of them.

Gauri teaches me how to be diplomatic. She had taught me to switch the lights off before going to bed, To have dinner at the proper place, to put my clothes in…

With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me...

Whenever I go out with other married couples, I like to bring along a single crackhead. Just to spice things up.