[On David Beckham:] 'He cannot kick with his left foot, he cannot head a ball, he cannot tackle and he doesn't score many goals. Apart from that he's all right.'

'I used to go missing quite a lot... Miss Canada, Miss United Kingdom, Miss World.'

'If I had been born ugly, you would never have heard of Pele.'

'I spent a lot of money on booze, birds and fast cars. The rest I just squandered.'

'I've changed music four or five times. What have you done of any importance other than be white?'

Every good poet includes a critic; the reverse will not hold.

For the judging of contemporary literature the only test is one's personal taste. If you much like a new book, you must call it literature even though you find…