I've always run by the hierarchy of 'If not funny, interesting. If not interesting, hot. If not hot, bizarre. If not bizarre, break something.'

Little and hairy. But if [The New York Post] want to go with smart and stylish then hey, more power to them. Good luck.

I signed up for what? I thought I was just ordering cable.

The best-laid plans of mice and comedians usually wind up on the cutting-room floor.

Many of my friends are under the impression that I write these humorous nothings in idle moments when the wearied brain is unable to perform the serious labour…

I gotta do some sad scenes. Why, I never tried to make anybody cry in my life! And I go 'round all the time dolled up in kippie clothes-wear everything but a c…

I sense that novel of my dreams is in the Remington SL3 - although it writes much faster than I can spell.