Quote #6

'Well, if he's dead, I'm gonna have to act EXTRA sexy so I can get a new boyfriend. You can't doodle with a dead noodle, know what I'm sayin'? (Sees book cover.) Oh my GOD. That's what Shakespeare looked like? I'm not doing this.'

More from Julie Brown

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  2. 'Oh my goodness! I can see a bright white light, and I can hear my friends and relatives beckoning me into the afterlife. Wait, what's that…
  3. 'I decided to go visit the pet cemetery where my dead dog Buster was buried. My grandmother always used to say, 'When life gives you lemons…
  4. 'The movie Clueless was really big in the '90s, because it was superficial AND deep, like liposuction, which was also really big in the '90…
  5. 'I got confused. I thought it was a K.Y. scare, so I bought 2000 jars of personal lubricant. I still have some.'
  6. 'Nicollette Sheridan? Personality of spam.'

All Julie Brown quotes