80 Dating Quotes

Marry Ann; and at the end of a week you'll find no more inspiration in her than in a plate of muffins.

What makes a date so dreadful is the weight of expectation attached to it. There is every chance that you may meet your soulmate, get married, have children and be buried side by side. There is an equal chance that the person you meet will look as if they've already been buried for some time.

Boys frustrate me. I hate all their indirect messages, I hate game playing. Do you like me or don't you? Just tell me so I can get over you.

Why would I cry over a boy? I would never waste my tears on a boy. Why waste your tears on someone who makes you cry?

No, really, Ronnie, it's good to share information when you know someone else is dating the lunarly challenged.

When you start falling for somebody and you can't stop thinking about when you're going to see them again, I love that. Women are beautiful. They deserve to be cherished and respected.

A fast word about oral contraception. I was involved in an extremely good example of oral contraception two weeks ago. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no.'

Even if you meet the perfect person, it ain't gonna be at the perfect time. You're married, they're single. That's right. You're Jewish, they're Palestinian. You're a Mexican, they're a racoon. You're a black woman, he's a black man.

A girl called me the other day and said 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home.

A hooker told me 'Not on the first date.'

I told my doctor I wanted a vasectomy. He said, with a face like mine, I don't need one.

When I tried to kiss my date goodnight she pushed me away. I said, 'Is there someone else?' She said, 'There must be.'

I don't play hard to get... I play hard to want!

You picked the wrong guy baby if you're too fly/You need to hit the door, search for a new guy/Cause I only got one night in town/Break out or be clown

Then he turned and walked away, and I gazed after him in sorrow. 'Don't look so, girl. He's the first to fall at your feet; he will not be the last'

'Oh my precocious one,' she said. 'You never fail to charm me. Bisexual is it, how Byronic and charming. Doesn't that double's one's chances for love? I'm so delighted.'

Are we having a relationship - or just doing research on each other?

I noticed that people are doing a lot of 'googling' before a first date nowadays - this represents the real trend. Poindexter's doing this and DARPA allowed him to do it for the propaganda that someone's serious about cyberwar someplace.

If a girl has a pierced tongue, she'll probably suck your dick. If a guy has a pierced tongue, he'll probably suck your dick.

When I see a fine sister with a white man, I get pissed. I get mad. I don't get violent, but I get mad. I'm like, 'Damn, baby, what do I got to do : to get with you?' I mean, what must I do?

Debbie Thomas married a white man. Walked down the aisle! I was mad at first. I was like, 'Damn, Debbie. What do I got to do : to get with you?' Then I thought it over and said, 'You know what? I bet she didn't meet a lot of brothers on the ice!'

Debbie Thomas went to the Olympics : bust her ass! Fucked around with a white boy!

Every time a man's being nice to you [women], he's offering you dick.

'I know every girl in here got a dick they regret. And I bet you it wasn't a President's dick. I bet he worked at Kenny's Shoes or Safeway or somethin like that.'

My ideal girl should be smart, drug-free, and hot. People say it's not important, but it is...she can't hate me either.

Honey, I love to go to parties, And I like to have a good time, But if it gets too pale after a while Honey and I start looking to find One good man.

You wake up and you're still a little drunk and you can't believe that hot girl from last night actually has a beard and a penis.

'Well, if he's dead, I'm gonna have to act EXTRA sexy so I can get a new boyfriend. You can't doodle with a dead noodle, know what I'm sayin'? (Sees book cover.) Oh my GOD. That's what Shakespeare looked like? I'm not doing this.'

I love my gay male friends, but when I was a little girl I always used to wish that I would be constantly surrounded by gorgeous guys, and I am, and I should have been more specific.

One of my friends has these ideas about how we should meet men. 'What we should do on Friday night is we will fucking go get fucked up and fuck yea! we will fucking get fucked up and then we will fucking get tickets to go see the Chippendale's Dancers fuck yea! we will fucking get tickets to see the Chippendale's Dancers.' ... I can get gay guys to dance in my house for free.

The longer it takes me to find Mr. Right, the more he's going to pay for keeping me waiting.

It was the first time he had actually enjoyed the company of a woman as a woman. It was possible. That's what this evening meant. There was hope for him to find someone. There really were interesting women out there and there were even some who might find him interesting, not for his money, but for his conversation, his company. He refused to be disappointed that this particular encounter hadn't lead anywhere.

I had been fed, in my youth, a lot of old wives' tales about the way men would instantly forsake a beautiful woman to flock around a brilliant one. It is but fair to say that, after getting out in the world, I had never seen this happen.

I haven't had that many women- only as many as I could lay my hands on.

I'm always looking for meaningful one-night stands.

Back in high school, my buddies tried to put the make on anything that moved. I told them, 'Why limit yourselves?'

You know, a lot of girls go out with me just to further their careers... damn anthropologists.

When I invite a woman to dinner I expect her to look at my face. That's the price she has to pay!

I could dance with you till the cows come home. On second thought, I'd rather dance with the cows till you come home.

Marilyn Monroe: What about the difference in our ages?

To win a woman in the first place one must please her, then undress her, and then somehow get her clothes back on her. Finally, so she will allow you to leave her, you've got to annoy her.

O Polly, you might have toyed and kissed, By keeping men off, you keep them on.

There are three possible parts to a date, of which at least two must be offered: entertainment, food, and affection. It is customary to begin a series of dates with a great deal of entertainment, a moderate amount of food, and the merest suggestion of affection. As the amount of affection increases, the entertainment can be reduced proportionately. When the affection IS the entertainment, we no longer call it dating. Under no circumstances can the food be omitted.

There's a million fine looking women in the world, dude, but not all of them bring you lasagna at work. Most of them just cheat on you.

Come on, Berzerker, girl think sexy.

It was only when you walked away I saw you had the perfect ass. Forgive me for not falling in love with your face or your conversation.

To a young actor How tall are you without your horse? Six foot, seven inches! Never mind the six feet. Let's talk about the seven inches!

It's hard to find a good man, but it's good to find a hard one.

Well, the old theory was 'marry a older man because they're more mature'. But the new theory is 'men don't mature - marry a young one'.

My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to.

When I meet a man I ask myself, 'Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?'

...I mean to say, when a girl, offered a good man's heart, laughs like a bursting paper bag and tells him not to be a silly ass, the good man is entitled, I think, to assume that the whole thing is off.