No matter what these terrorists do, I refuse to be terrorized. ...All this requires is just a few alterations in our day to day lives. For example, my first instinct when I receive an envelope full of white powder... is to snort it! I just won't do that this time!

I am not gonna die because I failed as someone else. I am gonna succeed as myself. And I'm gonna stay here and rock the mike until the next Korean-American, fa…

There's a bar in Edinburgh called 'CC Bloom's.' CC Bloom is the name of the character that Bette Midler played in Beaches. That is the gayest thing I have ever…

If you've ever bought drugs before, you understand that for some bizarre reason you have to feign this relationship with your dealer. It's like you're not real…

'We've had death threats', Pete says, 'saying, 'You're evil and your days are numbered.' What was it, 'Don't panic but be scared'. Someone shat on our doorstep…

The best way to drive out the devil, if he will not yield to texts of Scripture, is to jeer and flout him, for he cannot bear scorn.

It's no use crying over spilt evils. It's better to mop them up laughing.