If you've ever bought drugs before, you understand that for some bizarre reason you have to feign this relationship with your dealer. It's like you're not really going to him to buy drugs. You're going for a social visit. Drugs are the surprise that just happens when you get there. 'Oh Hash? I didn't know!' And he's talkin' to you and you're tryin' to be interested, you know, 'Oh yeah? No, really ... I love Foghat. No, seriously.' And inside you're like, 'Just fuckin' give it! I hate you. Your house smells like cat pee!' Why do all drug dealers' houses smell like cat pee?

I had a colonic irrigation in this clinic in Santa Monica, because people in Los Angeles cannot do anything for themselves, much less take a shit.

There's a bar in Edinburgh called 'CC Bloom's.' CC Bloom is the name of the character that Bette Midler played in Beaches. That is the gayest thing I have ever…

I didn't know if I was going to mention my period on stage, but then I figured, if Richard Pryor had a period, he would talk about it.

On a very rough-and-ready basis we might define an eccentric as a man who is a law unto himself, and a crank as one who, having determined what the law is, ins…

Handle gut und anstandig, weniger anderen zu gefallen, eher um deine eigene Achtung nicht zu verscherzen.

Humility is a virtue all preach, none practice; and yet everybody is content to hear.