I didn't know if I was going to mention my period on stage, but then I figured, if Richard Pryor had a period, he would talk about it.

I had a colonic irrigation in this clinic in Santa Monica, because people in Los Angeles cannot do anything for themselves, much less take a shit.

'I do not need nobody tellin' me who I am! I know who I am!... I be walkin' down the hallway, they call me names. They call me faggot, they call me sissy, I sa…

If you've ever bought drugs before, you understand that for some bizarre reason you have to feign this relationship with your dealer. It's like you're not real…

I heard say that the executioner was very good, he'd have to be, for I have a little neck!

You need to have the courage to say to your wife, get in there and make me some bean dip.

It is truly an honor and a privilege for me to be here at Pinehurst School, or whatever your school is called today. I say it's a privilege, because its a viol…