It is truly an honor and a privilege for me to be here at Pinehurst School, or whatever your school is called today. I say it's a privilege, because its a violation of my parole to be around children. But enough about that! Hello little boys and little girls! Mmmmm Mmmm Mmmm!

Kids...you're lookin at a dead man. I should not be in front of you today. Drugs and alcohol have ruined my life.'...'Me and my friends would go home every day…

Tyrone: And kids, that was the first time I ever sucked a dick for crack , but not the last. Teacher: Thank you for that lovely and very graphic story... Tyron…

Look at that magic marker. What, you think that's some kind of crayon?! Take the cap off, sniff it, and get high!

I had a wet dream about you last night. I dreamt you got hit by a bus, and I pissed myself laughing.

I went to a meeting for premature ejaculators. I left early.

The only nice thing I can wish him is an early death