Quote #9

I had a wet dream about you last night. I dreamt you got hit by a bus, and I pissed myself laughing.

More from Jack Dee

  1. I thought that I saw your name on a bag of bread but when I reread it, it said 'Thick Cut'.
  2. I love the way garages leave black buckets outside for your dead flowers.
  3. I've got a video that doesn't record the film, it just watches it and tells me what happens. 'Oh, Meryl Streep bought this farm somewhere, …
  4. I had a blowjob once. I didn't like the taste.
  5. People walk up to me and say, 'You're not as big as you are on telly, are you?' Well, I don't know. How big's your fucking television?
  6. I always love it when a great, new, comedian gets hit by a bus.
  7. Unlike European mustards that bring out the subtle flavours of food, English mustard makes your nose bleed.
  8. I hate people who think it's clever to take drugs... like custom officers.

All Jack Dee quotes