Quote #7

I've got a video that doesn't record the film, it just watches it and tells me what happens. 'Oh, Meryl Streep bought this farm somewhere, and she gets the clap. That's about it. I think Robert Redford gave it to her. To be honest I was flicking over to the football every five minutes, so...'

More from Jack Dee

  1. People walk up to me and say, 'You're not as big as you are on telly, are you?' Well, I don't know. How big's your fucking television?
  2. I thought that I saw your name on a bag of bread but when I reread it, it said 'Thick Cut'.
  3. Unlike European mustards that bring out the subtle flavours of food, English mustard makes your nose bleed.
  4. I had a wet dream about you last night. I dreamt you got hit by a bus, and I pissed myself laughing.
  5. [on pre-EU British passports] You used them to shove aside officials. 'Out of my way, Johnny-foreigner! Reason for visit? Imperialism!'
  6. I love the way garages leave black buckets outside for your dead flowers.
  7. My grandfather died last week, and we buried him at sea. Well, I say we buried him at sea; it was actually a village in north Wales at the …
  8. I had a blowjob once. I didn't like the taste.

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