Quote #5

Unlike European mustards that bring out the subtle flavours of food, English mustard makes your nose bleed.

More from Jack Dee

  1. [on pre-EU British passports] You used them to shove aside officials. 'Out of my way, Johnny-foreigner! Reason for visit? Imperialism!'
  2. People walk up to me and say, 'You're not as big as you are on telly, are you?' Well, I don't know. How big's your fucking television?
  3. My grandfather died last week, and we buried him at sea. Well, I say we buried him at sea; it was actually a village in north Wales at the …
  4. I've got a video that doesn't record the film, it just watches it and tells me what happens. 'Oh, Meryl Streep bought this farm somewhere, …
  5. My feeling is that women will never be equal to men ... I think men are catching up in all kinds of ways.
  6. I thought that I saw your name on a bag of bread but when I reread it, it said 'Thick Cut'.
  7. If you are allowed to smack children, you should be allowed to smack geriatrics as well because they are just as much of a nuisance as chil…
  8. I had a wet dream about you last night. I dreamt you got hit by a bus, and I pissed myself laughing.

All Jack Dee quotes