My grandfather died last week, and we buried him at sea. Well, I say we buried him at sea; it was actually a village in north Wales at the time.

My feeling is that women will never be equal to men ... I think men are catching up in all kinds of ways.

[on pre-EU British passports] You used them to shove aside officials. 'Out of my way, Johnny-foreigner! Reason for visit? Imperialism!'

If you are allowed to smack children, you should be allowed to smack geriatrics as well because they are just as much of a nuisance as children, if not more.

Always remember the last words of my grandfather, who said: 'A truck!'

The right honorable gentlemen is indebted to his memory for his jests, and to his imagination for his facts.

No te conoce el toro ni la higuera, ni caballos ni hormigas de tu casa. No te conoce el nino ni la tarde porque te has muerto para siempre. No te conoce el lom…