Selected food quotes

1. Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon.

2. The way to any woman's heart, be she witch or Wonderwoman, princess or Pocahontas, is through her stomach.

3. Slicing a warm slab of bacon is a lot like giving a ferret a shave. No matter how careful you are, somebody's going to get hurt.

4. Good service can save a bad meal, but there is no level of food that can save bad service.

5. I think in England you eat too much sugar and meat and not enough vegetables.

6. Instead of past, present and future, I'd prefer chocolate, vanilla, and strawberry.

7. My favorite jellybean is the pink one with the flavor inside.

8. I don't like spinach, and I'm glad I don't, because if I liked it I'd eat it, and I just hate it.

9. I bet you think an egg is something you casually order for breakfast when you can't think of anything else. Well, so did I once, but that was before the egg and I.

10. Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.

11. It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate.

12. For the record, I'd eat the fuck out of some vegan chocolate chips.

13. I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.

14. Someone once threw me a small, brown, hairy kiwi fruit, and I threw a wastebasket over it until it was dead.

15. Better a dish of husks to the accompaniment of a muted lute than to be satiated with stewed shark's fin and rich spiced wine of which the cost is frequently mentioned by the provider.

16. I care not who hoes the lettuce of my country if I can eat the salad!

17. Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying.

18. My favorite animal is steak.

19. I never eat sushi. I have trouble eating things that are merely unconscious.

20. On the Continent people have good food; in England people have good table manners.

21. Americans have no capacity for abstract thought, and make bad coffee.

22. I doubt whether the world holds for any one a more soul-stirring surprise than the first adventure with ice-cream.

23. As we have seen, bread, and especially dry bread, evokes secretion of considerably larger quantities of saliva than meat.

24. Edible substances evoke the secretion of thick, concentrated saliva. Why? The answer, obviously, is that this enables the mass of food to pass smoothly through the tube leading from the mouth into the stomach.

25. It has long been known for sure that the sight of tasty food makes a hungry man's mouth water; also lack of appetite has always been regarded as an undesirable phenomenon, from which one might conclude that appetite is essentially linked with the process of digestion.

26. The coffee will be ready in a jitney.

27. Take an Indian home to lunch.

28. What neat repast shall feast us, light and choice, Of Attic taste?

29. Herbs, and other country messes, Which the neat-handed Phillis dresses.

30. What am I singing? A song of seeds The food of love. Eat the music.

31. Winner knows nothing about food.

32. The thing I liked about writing about food when I started it was that I felt I was writing about food in a different way. Not like a food writer.

33. Cursed be all those on land and sea who eat their fill, cursed be all those who starve yet raise no hand in protest, cursed be all the bread, the wine, the meat which day by day descends deep in the entrails of the exploited man and turns not into freedom's cry, the murderer's ruthless knife!

34. I like racing but food and pictures are more thrilling. I can't give them up. In racing you can be certain, to the last thousandth of a second, that someone is the best, but with a film or a recipe, there is no way of knowing how all the ingredients will work out in the end. The best can turn out to be awful and the worst can be fantastic. Cooking is like performing and performing like cooking.

35. When you cook it should be an act of love. To put a frozen bag in the microwave for your child is an act of hate.

36. When I was old enough to realize all meat was killed, I saw it as an irrational way of using our power, to take a weaker thing and mutilate it. It was like the way bullies would take control of younger kids in the schoolyard.

37. If you think it's easy to write jokes about fried calamari, you've probably never tried.

38. If you don't believe your salmon is wild, ask it to fetch your newspaper and see what happens.

39. It would be a very short pint. It would be gummy bears and matzah, and be called Chewy Jewy.

40. The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.

41. Now, Stuart, as you will discover if you have not done so already, believes that the principal raison d'etre of food is to conceal from public view the hideous pattern on the plate beneath.

42. I don't much care about tea-drinking in the afternoon; in the morning the stuff Jock brings to me in bed is like that Nepenthe which the wife of Thone gave to Jove-born Helena, but in the p.m. it always makes me think of Ganges mud in which crocodiles have been coupling.

43. The cold pork in the fridge was wilting at the edges; it and I exchanged looks of mutual contempt, like two women wearing the same hat in the Royal Enclosure at Ascot.

44. Besides, they always smell of bread and butter.

45. I think everyone should go on my diet. It's called the Fuck It Diet. Basically what it is is if I want to eat something but it has a lot of fat or carbs, I just take a moment, and I go within, and I say 'Fuck it' and I eat it. You have to do it six times a day. It works really well with the Fuck That Shit Exercise Program.

46. All you have to fear is your mother's cooking.

47. I am terrified of mayonnaise. It was so bad when I was little that my friends would chase me around the house with a jar of mayonnaise and a knife.

48. Count de Monet (Harvey Korman) [consistently mispronounced as 'money']: 'Bearnaise, do we have any of those delicious raisins left?' Bearnaise (Andreas Voutsinas) : 'You ate yours. These are mine.' Count de Monet: 'Au contraire, they are mine! I paid for them! Hand them over!' Bearnaise [sotto voce, mimicking]: ''I paid for them! They're mine!'' [Blows a raspberry] Count de Monet: 'Don't be saucy with me, Bearnaise.'

49. Impoverished Paris Street Merchant (Jack Carter): 'Rats, rats for sale. Get your rats. Good for rat stew, rat soup, or the ever-popular ratatouille.'

50. [to La Resistance]: 'I like French things.I like French fries, French toast, hell, I even like French's mustard'

51. I got so much tartar, I don't got to dip my fishsticks in shit. (Realizing what he said) Actually that's kind of gross.

52. I order the club sandwich all the time, but I'm not even a member, man. I don't know how I get away with it.[4]

53. They say Flintstone's vitamins are chewable. All vitamins are chewable, it's just that they taste shitty. I'm glad they made Flintstone's vitamins because I used to watch The Flintstones and go, 'Man I bet you if I ate that dude, I would be healthy.'

54. There are two Christmas traditions I've inherited from my mother. One is the feeling that Christmas isn't complete if you haven't got a ham as well as a turkey. It means that the leftovers are much better. And in a curious way, despite the fact that we're talking about Christmas and ham, it's a very Jewish thing to want to provide a huge spread. I always cook for eight, but make enough to feed 30...

55. Her descriptions of food can be a tangle of adjectives.

56. 'Thanks to the Green Revolution, the real price of food is half or less than it was in 1960 which means those who spend the highest portion of their income on food - the urban and non-farm rural poor -- garner the most benefit from it.'

57. Simple food but it tasted good and they were satisfied.

58. As a matter of fact, Rice Krispies are favored by solitary people.

59. It doesn't have as much fat as the Haagen-Dazs, does it?

60. And then she went to the porridge of the Little, Small, Wee Bear, and tasted that; and that was neither too hot nor too cold, but just right.

61. Some of the bombs were little yellow bombs, and some of the little food packages were little yellow packages. Now you're playing survivor the real game. 'Um, Bob I was here yesterday, um, I going to go with this one today.'

62. Are you kiddin'? I know I'm ugly. My mother breast-fed me through a straw.

63. If you have questions about this salad, give your server the spinach inquisition.

64. Named after the great romaine emperor, Julius Salad.

65. We smoke the bacon so you don't have to.

66. This sandwich used to include endive, but no one wanted to eat a BELT.

67. Our salmon sandwiches are so good you'll want to swim upstream to our kitchen and spawn. But please don't.

68. We use only the finest days of the week in this dish.

69. This dish might not turn you into a syndicated cartoonist, but whatever you're doing now probably isn't working either.

70. Stacey puts a little love in each pasta shell. But it's self-love, so it won't help you that much.

71. Biblical scholars tell us that this is the same meal that Jesus ate at the last supper. But hey, I'm sure you have a good reason for ordering something else.

72. Our scallops are so delicious your mouth will thank you, which is creepy because your mouth can actually talk.

73. I like candy canes; they're my favorite candy. But I only like the white part.

74. The other day I was arrested for scalping low numbers at the deli.

75. Wilt make haste to give up thy verdict because thou wilt not lose thy dinner.

76. She lunched on papaya poo poo or mango mu mu or some other fruity foo foo bursting with overripe tropican vowels.

77. Your veal cutlet gets up off the plate, It walks down to end of the counter and beat the shit out of my cup of coffee. I guess the coffee just wasn't strong enough to defend itself.

78. No, you don't wanna get me started. Jell-O with hair all in the mold. I'd be like, 'Damn, man, how are you gonna mess up Jell-O?' Jell-O is so wholesome and family-like. It just ruins it for me. To have a hair in there, yeah. I mean, I'm like, 'Come on, Bill Cosby pumps this, man!'

79. If the moon were made of barbeque spare ribs, would you eat it? ...I know I would. Heck, I'd have seconds. And then polish it off with a tall, cool Budweiser.

80. We elves try to stick to the four main food groups: candy, candy canes, candy corn, and syrup.

81. What a thing it is to lie there all day in the fine breeze, with the pine needles dropping on one, only to return to the hotel at night so hungry that the dinner, however homely, is a fete, and the menu finer reading than the best poetry in the world! Yet we are to leave all this for the glare and blaze of Nice and Monte Carlo; which is proof enough that one cannot become really acclimated to happiness. (10 September 1902) in the village of Cavalaire, France.

82. 'This Is Just to Say' from Collected Poems 1921-1931 (1934)

83. As we know, for centuries Rome regarded the Open Hot Turkey Sandwich as the height of licentiousness.

84. I think they just got through marinating the greens.

85. You better make it four. I don't think I could eat eight.

86. There is plenty of Huhnerfleisch in the Kuhlschrank. (There is plenty of chicken in the fridge) (08/27/91 at Bremen, Germany)

87. 'What's so silly about the pizza?' (from 'Silly Food')

88. 'How many pits are in a pear?' 'Aah, two.' 'You know damn well there are more than 2 pits in a pear'

89. 'I smell bacon. Do you smell bacon?' (from 'Bacon')

90. 'Harry loves schmaltz, is there something wrong with that? He makes perhaps the best schmaltz I've ever had.' (from 'Flower Lady #2')

91. 'Do you have any lobsters?' (from 'Rosine Like Balloons')

92. 'I don't even eat that shit, I lick that shit, and then I slap that shit right off my table.' (from 'Rosine Like Balloons' when referring to the lobsters)

93. Yes, I eat cow I am not proud.

94. Wonderful coffee. Meal in itself

95. High Dude : Hey Calvin, there is a thin line between fries and shakes

96. Calvin : Hey ya'll, I brought ya'll dinner from work

97. On what the guys would eat for their last meal:

98. I ordered a chicken sandwich but I think the waitress mis-understood me because she said, 'How would you like your eggs?' So I tried to answer her anyhow. I said 'Incubated, and then raised, and then beheaded, and then plucked and then cut up then put onto a grill then put onto a bun. Shit, it's gonna take awhile. I don't have time, scrambled!' - Live in Seattle, December 3, 2004

99. Turkey leg or turkey leg...where for out though turkey leg (takes bite) In my stomache turkey leg

100. Eating icecream late at night is so bad, but I love it