343 Food Quotes

The way to any woman's heart, be she witch or Wonderwoman, princess or Pocahontas, is through her stomach.

Slicing a warm slab of bacon is a lot like giving a ferret a shave. No matter how careful you are, somebody's going to get hurt.

I don't like spinach, and I'm glad I don't, because if I liked it I'd eat it, and I just hate it.

I bet you think an egg is something you casually order for breakfast when you can't think of anything else. Well, so did I once, but that was before the egg and I.

Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.

It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate.

Someone once threw me a small, brown, hairy kiwi fruit, and I threw a wastebasket over it until it was dead.

Better a dish of husks to the accompaniment of a muted lute than to be satiated with stewed shark's fin and rich spiced wine of which the cost is frequently mentioned by the provider.

Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying.

My favorite animal is steak.

I never eat sushi. I have trouble eating things that are merely unconscious.

On the Continent people have good food; in England people have good table manners.

Americans have no capacity for abstract thought, and make bad coffee.

I doubt whether the world holds for any one a more soul-stirring surprise than the first adventure with ice-cream.

As we have seen, bread, and especially dry bread, evokes secretion of considerably larger quantities of saliva than meat.

Edible substances evoke the secretion of thick, concentrated saliva. Why? The answer, obviously, is that this enables the mass of food to pass smoothly through the tube leading from the mouth into the stomach.

It has long been known for sure that the sight of tasty food makes a hungry man's mouth water; also lack of appetite has always been regarded as an undesirable phenomenon, from which one might conclude that appetite is essentially linked with the process of digestion.

The coffee will be ready in a jitney.

Take an Indian home to lunch.

What neat repast shall feast us, light and choice, Of Attic taste?

Herbs, and other country messes, Which the neat-handed Phillis dresses.

What am I singing? A song of seeds The food of love. Eat the music.

Winner knows nothing about food.

The thing I liked about writing about food when I started it was that I felt I was writing about food in a different way. Not like a food writer.

Cursed be all those on land and sea who eat their fill, cursed be all those who starve yet raise no hand in protest, cursed be all the bread, the wine, the meat which day by day descends deep in the entrails of the exploited man and turns not into freedom's cry, the murderer's ruthless knife!

I like racing but food and pictures are more thrilling. I can't give them up. In racing you can be certain, to the last thousandth of a second, that someone is the best, but with a film or a recipe, there is no way of knowing how all the ingredients will work out in the end. The best can turn out to be awful and the worst can be fantastic. Cooking is like performing and performing like cooking.

When you cook it should be an act of love. To put a frozen bag in the microwave for your child is an act of hate.

When I was old enough to realize all meat was killed, I saw it as an irrational way of using our power, to take a weaker thing and mutilate it. It was like the way bullies would take control of younger kids in the schoolyard.

If you think it's easy to write jokes about fried calamari, you've probably never tried.

If you don't believe your salmon is wild, ask it to fetch your newspaper and see what happens.

It would be a very short pint. It would be gummy bears and matzah, and be called Chewy Jewy.

The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.

I think the part of my job that I take most seriously is being an educator. If I can get people interested enough in food to adventure into it themselves and to understand it better -- that's what my fondest hope is.

Martin Scorsese likes to make films about the mob, and I happen to like to make films about food.

I am a nerd, I guess, if you think that getting kind of excited about understanding ionic bonds is nerdy. Truth is, I was a horrible student. I sucked at everything because nothing mattered to me. History was a bunch of numbers, chemistry was a bunch of symbols, math was bunch of equations. And once in my adulthood, I started getting really interested in food. All of those things started to make sense, and now I'm into it. I can't learn enough about chemistry because now it applies to something. And I blame the educational system for that -- for making it meaningless. For making a lot of what we learn in the educational system meaningless.

Ah! A parfait! Everybody loves that!

Salted pork belly, yum. I'll get my angioplasty suite ready.

She has a dessert with the ice cream, streusel, and pork! Yummy! (laughs nervously)

I don't know about you, but I think this is a mmmmoving experience. Goshdarnit, the jokes aren't getting better--but the food's gonna be real good!

on the infamous ice cream maker: It's like the Sirens in Greek mythology. You're lured to the machine, and then destroyed by the machine.

Okay, so all of those items are being made into a frosting for the chocolate eggplant cupcakes. What a magical world we live in!

on cotton candy covered with red curry powder: That's just mean! Think about being some little kid! And you get this big thing of cotton candy and you latch into it and then it's like, ahhhhh!

Folks, all I can say is sit back and relax. I think we're in for a real culinary donnybrook here. (smiles proudly) That means brawl.

(on deep fried bacon) Bacon.. fryer! Fryer.. bacon! Have I died and gone to heaven?

That's an interesting texture. IT'S ALIVE!

Anne Burrell, just putting down a piece of that dough right on the grill. It's very thin, and I bet it's got a sexy name.

If you take a raw egg like this and you give it a spin and stop it and let go, it'll start spinning again. However, if you take a hard cooked egg and spin it and stop it, it won't spin again. That is because the liquid has set in here, but this is still free to move around. That is so cool! But then.. I'm kind of.. a geek that way.

Battle Asparagus officinalis is on, and millions and millions of children across America just freaked out.

A bottle of ouzo! Gracious, he's been out with Cat Cora. All right, he's got some grape leaves out, pickled grape leaves.. so he has been hanging with Cat Cora, it looks like.

(To Kevin Brauch, regarding the peeling of crawfish) Gosh, you work so long and so hard for so little tail meat. You know what I'm saying Kevin?

you take some chocolate ... and you take two pieces of bread ... and you put the candy in the middle and you make a sandwich of it. and that would be a cake.

Jadis, si je me souviens bien, ma vie etait un festin ou s'ouvraient tous les coeurs, ou tous les vins coulaient.

'It's a wery remarkable circumstance, sir', said Sam, 'that poverty and oysters seems to go together.'

Cornbread, ain't nothing wrong with that.

God this stuff isn't getting to me - the shootings, the knifings, the beatings. Old ladies being bashed in the head for their social security checks. Nah that doesn't bother me. But you know what does bother me? You know what makes me really sick to my stomach? It's watching you stuff your face with those hotdogs! Nobody - I mean nobody puts ketchup on a hot dog!

When I purchase a food item at the supermarket, I can be confident that the label will state how much riboflavin is in it. The United States government requires this, and for a good reason, which is: I have no idea. I don't even know what riboflavin is. I do know I eat a lot of it. For example, I often start the day with a hearty Kellogg's strawberry Pop-Tart, which has, according to the label, a riboflavin rating of 10 percent. I assume this means that 10 percent of the Pop-Tart is riboflavin. Maybe it's the red stuff in the middle. Anyway, I'm hoping riboflavin is a good thing; if it turns out that it's a bad thing, like 'riboflavin' is the Latin word for 'cockroach pus,' then I am definitely in trouble.

You! Do you know what dog food tastes like? Do ya? It tastes just like it smells...delicious!

Peanut-Butter and Crack sandwich!

You guys want some grapes?

Arsenio Hall: This is some good ass cheese!

Dylan : A sugar cookie mon, this is crazy.

Fritch tells me matches aren't vegetarian. I never knew. I liked matches.

You're denying your heritage! You should eat cheese! [said by his mother]

Old ladies come up to me all the time telling me to find God. Look, all I want to find is some chai and a good vegan muffin.

Can I have a bite of your hamburger? Just don't tell the vegans...

I need 4 hot dogs with everything, one plain.

Pleased to meet you...meat to please you.

The noblest dog is the hot dog. It feeds the hand that bites it.

Try the chicken nuggets, you fat sumbitch! (to Rosey)

German food is so bad, even Hitler was a vegetarian. 'Would you like some more shtrudleghraf on your shamlw?' How appetising does that sound?

I feel a sort of yearnin' 'nd a chokin' in my throat When I think of Red Hoss Mountain 'nd of Casey's tabble dote!

'Them fancy London types don't know the pleasure of eating chips with fingers'

(on sweet corn and sex) I love sweet corn. It truly is better than sex! I'm not lying! All across the Midwest tonight, a husband and wife will finish what husbands and wives do, and the wife will ask the husband: 'How was that?' And, if the man is honest, he'll say 'Well, it wasn't sweet corn, but it was nice.' It's a fact! Sweet corn is better than sex!...fresh sweet corn!...Store bought sweet corn, yes, sex is definitely better than that!

I get so excited when I know I'm going to a good restaurant, then, when I do the review, I write myself up into such a frenzy that I have to go out and eat all over again.

Some critics think the way I write is somehow disrespectful to food. But how can you write a restaurant column without being entertaining? You might as well not get up in the morning. People complain my sense of humour is puerile but the reason I have a job is because my sense of humour is puerile.

The Jewish religion has it completely right in maintaining you should think very carefully about what you eat.

Precise knowledge of what happens to the food entering the organism must be the subject of ideal physiology, the physiology of the future.

The first stage through which the food substances introduced from without must pass, is the digestive canal; the first vital action on these substances, or to be more exact and objective, their first participation in life, in its process, constitutes what we call the digestion.

Unlike European mustards that bring out the subtle flavours of food, English mustard makes your nose bleed.

If you have ice cream I will give you some. If you have no ice cream I will take it away from you. (It is an ice cream koan [cone].)

'Actually, we promised you dirt and hippy leaf cakes...'

'Hmm, corn nuts. Can't say I'm a big fan. I'm more of an apple pie kinda guy because it reminds me of sex and death.'

'Can't the lemons and pancakes just get along?'

'Yes, I'm a vegetarian, but not because I love animals. I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants.'

'Ever had those little gummy pizzas? N-A-S-T-Y.'

Jade:'Holy shit, that looks frightening and intruiging and amazing and delicious. Look at the poor lonely corn dog....'

'Je suis un pamplemousse. DONNEZ-MOI TOUS VOS CROISSANTS! (I am a grapefruit. GIVE ME ALL YOUR CROISSANTS!)'

'I support an all candy diet!'

'My version of peanut butter would be called 'Mustard', and it would be yellow and tangy and taste good on corn dogs.'

'Probably, though, I'd go back to this morning and get the croissant instead of the bagel. I totally blew it.'

Musically, my dream is to do what Norah Jones did. I can't play the piano, but to sit next to it and just sing.

Lea: Jessica, you want try these Buffalo wings? Jessica: Buffalo?! I don't eat buffalo!