47 Alton Brown Quotes on Food

Alton Brown quotes on food

2. Two smashed and chopped cloves of garlic. Why garlic? Hey, garlic don't need no reason.

5. Look at that crust. Looks like Limp Bizkit isn't just the name of a band anymore.

7. No matter how hard we try, sex isn't as good as sweet corn. (quoting Garrison Keillor)

8. Silly sea monsters.

10. Wilber, set the table. There's going to be good eats tonight.

14. The way to any woman's heart, be she witch or Wonderwoman, princess or Pocahontas, is through her stomach.

19. Hey, look! It's our old friends Tender and Flaky!

26. My, my, my! Would you just look at that meaty lava flow of love!

30. (quoting Cervantes) Hunger is the best sauce.

31. Slicing a warm slab of bacon is a lot like giving a ferret a shave. No matter how careful you are, somebody's going to get hurt.

32. (on pearled barley) It looks like me: pasty...white...starchy.

33. Stock is like a computer--crap in, crap out.

36. With a large amount of high protein or horny endosperm.. No, I told you, I didn't make that up!

42. I always consider raisins optional.

45. (Anytime after Debra mentions an international dish created in New York) NEW YORK CITY?!

46. Chocolate is its own inspiration, ganache its finest reincarnation. So go ahead. Ganache yourself silly!

50. Last but not least, one cup of heavy cream. That's right, heavy cream. Look, I said I would help you make premium ice cream. I didn't say anything about low carb ice cream, or low fat ice cream, or low anything else ice cream. As far as I'm concerned, ice cream shouldn't be low anything! It should just taste good!

51. And of course, chocolate. Dark. Creamy. Decadent. Oooh.. come to Papa.

56. I know they say that man can't live on bread alone.. but this is one man who's willing to try.

57. You make cupcakes, which are supposed to make people happy. And childlike. But instead, you and the foodie cognoscente have corrupted them into fussy, heavy, cloyingly clever, and sickeningly sweet cups of condescension! And I think I shall now wage war on you and your ilk!

59. Though there is such a thing as saltless pretzels, called 'baldies' , I would suggest that they are really not pretzels at all, but rather cruel jokes perpetrated by bitter bakers.

67. Golden brown and delicious.

73. I don't have any idea what to order, so I talk to a few of the folks milling around outside. I think I've got it straight, but then I go inside and find a factory that would make Willy Wonka blush. I'm lost in a sea of possibilities.

89. There are no bad foods, only bad food habits. I eat cream, butter, and bacon; I just don't eat pounds of it at a time. I use these things when they are needed in recipes and leave them out when they're not needed.

92. on diets: My advice: write down everything you eat. It's amazing what that 'self honesty' can do for you. (Do you really want to have to confess that doughnut? I thought not.)

96. Here's a little culinary confession: given all the wonderful 'gourmet' chocolates available in the world, my favorite chocolate confection remains a Hershey bar with almonds.. hands down.

98. You know we fixate on the food so much itself: 'Oh, the ultimate brownie or the ultimate this or that' -- well, let me tell you something: It's all poop in about 12 hours, okay? The real power that food has is its ability to connect human beings to each other -- that's the stuff right there and, to me, everything else is secondary to that.

100. Good service can save a bad meal, but there is no level of food that can save bad service.

106. I think the part of my job that I take most seriously is being an educator. If I can get people interested enough in food to adventure into it themselves and to understand it better -- that's what my fondest hope is.

107. Martin Scorsese likes to make films about the mob, and I happen to like to make films about food.

108. I am a nerd, I guess, if you think that getting kind of excited about understanding ionic bonds is nerdy. Truth is, I was a horrible student. I sucked at everything because nothing mattered to me. History was a bunch of numbers, chemistry was a bunch of symbols, math was bunch of equations. And once in my adulthood, I started getting really interested in food. All of those things started to make sense, and now I'm into it. I can't learn enough about chemistry because now it applies to something. And I blame the educational system for that -- for making it meaningless. For making a lot of what we learn in the educational system meaningless.

114. Poppy seeds! Poppies!

115. Ah! A parfait! Everybody loves that!

117. Salted pork belly, yum. I'll get my angioplasty suite ready.

119. She has a dessert with the ice cream, streusel, and pork! Yummy! (laughs nervously)

121. I don't know about you, but I think this is a mmmmoving experience. Goshdarnit, the jokes aren't getting better--but the food's gonna be real good!

122. on the infamous ice cream maker: It's like the Sirens in Greek mythology. You're lured to the machine, and then destroyed by the machine.

123. Okay, so all of those items are being made into a frosting for the chocolate eggplant cupcakes. What a magical world we live in!

124. on cotton candy covered with red curry powder: That's just mean! Think about being some little kid! And you get this big thing of cotton candy and you latch into it and then it's like, ahhhhh!

127. Folks, all I can say is sit back and relax. I think we're in for a real culinary donnybrook here. (smiles proudly) That means brawl.

129. (on deep fried bacon) Bacon.. fryer! Fryer.. bacon! Have I died and gone to heaven?

131. That's an interesting texture. IT'S ALIVE!

132. Anne Burrell, just putting down a piece of that dough right on the grill. It's very thin, and I bet it's got a sexy name.

136. If you take a raw egg like this and you give it a spin and stop it and let go, it'll start spinning again. However, if you take a hard cooked egg and spin it and stop it, it won't spin again. That is because the liquid has set in here, but this is still free to move around. That is so cool! But then.. I'm kind of.. a geek that way.

143. Battle Asparagus officinalis is on, and millions and millions of children across America just freaked out.

144. A bottle of ouzo! Gracious, he's been out with Cat Cora. All right, he's got some grape leaves out, pickled grape leaves.. so he has been hanging with Cat Cora, it looks like.

152. (To Kevin Brauch, regarding the peeling of crawfish) Gosh, you work so long and so hard for so little tail meat. You know what I'm saying Kevin?