It is a good life, if I watch myself. Kind of like when I used to diet, but now instead of limiting calories, I will not allow negative self talk. I cut out insults like I cut out carbs and it is hard as hell because I crave self abuse like hot, fresh sourdough bread, but you know you have to be nice to you if you are going to live together.

So when some man says to me, 'Don't you wish you were beautiful?' those are like killing words. That's my death, if I don't pummel it into his soft, not yet co…

This presidential race is the biggest dick contest in history. 'Your dick is indecisive!' 'Your dick started an unnecessary war!' 'Your dick didn't get injured…

Then there is Dick Cheney, who essentially said that if Kerry is voted in as president, terrorism will hit America again. How is that? Is Cheney going to make …

All my friends say I should leave him because he's mean, angry, and abusive. I need to get some new friends.

I used to work in jobs I hated because I needed the money to buy a guitar. I know what it feels like to be depressed. On the other hand, I also know what it fe…

Interviewer: Tell me something about your fake eyelashes. Davey: Fake?! Interviewer: 'Well..I mean...uh..ok'. Davey: 'Here, feel' Interviewer: 'Oh..but..alrigh…