Things seem so wonderful from a distance, but when you go to Rome, you're bored and you want to come straight back home to Scunthorpe.

If I had stood in the middle of a Manchester housing estate and announced, 'I'm celibate', I probably would have been shot.

Madonna reinforces everything absurd and offensive. Desperate womanhood. She is closer to organized prostitution than anything else.

When I wrote an ineffectual line such as 'I was looking for a job/ And then I found a job/And Heaven knows I'm miserable now', that outraged people (which plea…