One of the problems, hanging out with me, is that I can turn any topic into a toxic horror story. I've lost two girlfriends and a job by reading an ingredients label out loud, with annotations, at the wrong time.

'Sangamon's Principle,' I said. 'The simpler the molecule, the better the drug. So the best drug is oxygen. Only two atoms. The second-best, nitrous oxide-a me…

And I hadn't even told him the truth. Actually, the shit coming out of Basco's pipes was a hundred thousand times more concentrated than was legally allowed. .…

What you are about to read is not an aberration: it can happen in your local university too. The Big U, simply, was a few years ahead of the rest.

The Texan turned out to be good-natured, generous and likeable. In three days no one could stand him.

It turns you into two people: one of you's very nice, you'll go up to complete strangers and say, 'Come in, come in, sit down, for God's sake, have something. …

He is thinner, taller, younger - more boyish-looking - than expected, but he is also the shyest and most nervous human being I have ever seen. He chews not mer…