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It was then that [he] first loved [her]. Not for her flesh - [he] had known the body of the queen. Not out of pity - he knew her too well to see her from the distance that pity requires. He loved her because he admired her. For bearing without complaint the burden the queen put on her. For still being gentle and loving when she had ample reason to be bitter: does that surprise you? That of all people, your son could look at [her] and see beauty?

Orson Scott Card#600

LoveCharacterStrengthAdmirationEndurance

About this quote

What does it mean?
Love rooted in admiration of character and endurance is deeper than physical attraction or pity.
In plain terms
He loved her for her strength and gentleness, not her body or pity.
What can you take from it?
Admire character and endurance over physical traits.

Where it applies

  • deepening a relationship
  • finding a partner
  • learning to love

Putting it to work

  • focus on character traits
  • practice empathy

Questions to consider

  • What non-physical traits do you admire most?
  • Can love exist without physical attraction?

Another view

It idealizes suffering by suggesting gentleness is a virtue even when unjustly burdened.

More from Orson Scott Card

  1. Is that why you hate him so...? Because he knows the woman as she might have been?

    Permalink to quote #599
  2. If only we could stand outside our lives and look at what we do, we might repair so many injuries before they're done.

    Permalink to quote #601
  3. Do you begrudge her this: that once in her life she had a man who loved her with his whole heart, if only for that moment?

    Permalink to quote #598

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