So, look. Phil, I wanted to mention to your listeners that Bill Jewison is innocent of manslaughter. He's my client and I will be trying the case next week in Superior Court, but I'm trying to pollute the jury pool, so, uh...

I say to any senior citizen listening to me, carry a 9mm, the minute somebody looks at you cross-eyed, take off the top of his head with it.

And also our winner tonight will get an autographed copy of my autobiography, which has just been released, entitled The Joy of Gunning Down Japs on Saipan as …

Christ was riveted to the cross for this???