Ladies and gentlemen, if you're going to Georgia, Jane Fonda and Ted Turner broke up. Yes they did. Jane found God and Ted found out it wasn't him.

For those of you playing the home game this is called a Prince Albert. I'm sure that was his last wish. I'm sure he said, 'Victoria I'm dying...I would like yo…

You know you get that tattoo of a barbed wire now when you're 18 and by the time you're 80 it's a fucking picket fence.

[In a Scottish Accent] Here's my idea for a fucking sport...I knock a ball into a gopher hole. 'Oh you mean like pool?' Fuck off pool! Not with a straight stic…

Woodall's husband, Johnny Elichaoff, as quoted in 'Dame Anita stays green until the last' (It's not easy being mean...) in The Daily Mail (24 September 2007)

When I invite a woman to dinner I expect her to look at my face. That's the price she has to pay!

I haven't had that many women- only as many as I could lay my hands on.