Selected celebrity quotes

1. I love Los Angeles. I love Hollywood. They're beautiful. Everybody's plastic, but I love plastic. I want to be plastic.

2. I met someone on the street who said wasn't it great that we're going to have a movie star for president, that it was so Pop, and (laughs) when you think about it like that, it is great, it's so American.

3. If I blow my nose, it gets written all over the world.

4. We movie stars all end up by ourselves. Who knows? Maybe we want to.

5. The only thing Madonna will ever do like a virgin is give birth in a stable.

6. Zsa Zsa Gabor got married as a one-off, and it was so successful she turned it into a series.

7. Sometimes girls write me. One girl in Yugoslavia sent me a whole slew of love letters. I don't know how she got my address. She was in a crowd watching me play. She says when I left there the stars fell out of the sky over Yugoslavia, or something like that.

8. Celebrity was a long time in coming; it will go away. Everything goes away.

9. My dad was undeniably famous when I was a kid - he was on Wogan and Clive James and the radio every week, but as far as I was concerned he wasn't famous enough. My best friend was Ben Brooke-Taylor. His dad Tim was in The Goodies - that was famous.

10. A star on a movie set is like a time bomb. That bomb has got to be defused so people can approach it without fear.

11. Tonight I'll be interviewing Ken Watanabe, Keisha Castle Hughes, Benecio Del Toro and Djimon Honsou - and yes, those are actors, not caterers.

12. Everybody smokes! Models, actresses, everyone! Don't they realize that it's gross? I understand it's an addiction, but it still pains me to see my friends do it.

13. I am sure I would love to do it now, but back then, I was, like, 11 and it was 'ugh.' There's nothing sexual or sexy when you're that age. So I was kissing Brad Pitt. So what? He had chapped lips. He was lovely and kind and sweet to me, but it was just yuk.

14. I awoke one morning and found myself famous.

15. The power and influence of a movie star is curious: I didn't ask for it or take it; people gave it to me. Simply because you're a movie star, people empower you with special rights and privileges.

16. The first time I remember women reacting to me was when we were filming Hud in Texas. Women were literally trying to climb through the transoms at the motel where I stayed. At first, it's flattering to the ego. At first. Then you realize that they're mixing me up with the roles I play - characters created by writers who have nothing to do with who I am.

17. Fifty percent of people want to sleep with me, and the other 50 percent want to kill me.

18. I am utterly bored by celebrity interviews. Most celebrities are devoid of interest.

19. Give me a couple of years, and I'll make that actress an overnight success.

20. The downside of my celebrity is that I cannot go anywhere in the world without being recognized. It is not enough for me to wear dark sunglasses and a wig. The wheelchair gives me away.

21. Shaq is rich. The white man who signs his check : is wealthy. 'Ah, here you go, Shaq. Go buy yourself a bouncing car. Bling, bling!'

22. You won't be able to take your eyes off the next four presenters: Salma Hayek and Penelope Cruz.

23. In closing, Johnny Depp is still hot; Mars Volta deserves the world, and happy birthday, Mom!

24. 'Viewers have a way of remembering the celebrity while forgetting the product. I did not know this when I paid Eleanor Roosevelt $35,000 to make a commercial for margarine. She reported that her mail was equally divided. 'One half was sad because I had damaged my reputation. The other half was happy because I had damaged my reputation.' Not one of my proudest memories.'

25. Never pass up a chance to have sex or appear on television.

26. Actors didn't use to be celebrities. A hundred years ago, they put the theaters next to the brothels. Actors were poor. Celebrities used to be kings and queens. Then the United States abolished monarchy, and now there's this coming together of show business and celebrity. I don't think it's healthy. I don't want to sound self-important, but all these celebrity shows and magazines - it comes from us, from Hollywood, from our country. We're the ones creating it. And I think it works in close step with a lot of other bad things that are happening in the world. It promotes greed, it promotes being selfish and it promotes this ladder, where you're a better person if you have more money. It's not at all about the work itself. Don't get me wrong. I love movies. But this myth of celebrity has nothing to do with movies.

27. 'Mick Jagger is about as sexy as a pissing toad'

28. Lolita is famous, not I. I am an obscure, doubly obscure, novelist with an unpronounceable name.

29. However, living in Tel Aviv, he was spared the fate of equivalent figures in English culture, an endless round of arts programmes where those who have known the famous are publicly debriefed of their memories, knowing as their own dusk falls that they will be remembered only for remembering someone else.

30. These broads are millionaires, lionized on TV and in articles about them, reveling in their status as celebrities and stalked by grief-arazzis... These self-obsessed women seemed genuinely unaware that 9/11 was an attack on our nation and acted as if the terrorist attacks happened only to them... I've never seen people enjoying their husbands' deaths so much.

31. If you wanna get away with murder, shoot him in the head and put a demo tape in their pocket!

32. People try so hard to believe in leaders now, pitifully hard. But we no sooner get a popular reformer or politician or soldier or writer or philosopher-a Roosevelt, a Tolstoi, a Wood, a Shaw, a Nietzsche, than the cross-currents of criticism wash him away. My Lord, no man can stand prominence these days. It's the surest path to obscurity. People get sick of hearing the same name over and over.

33. A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.

34. I've been offered a lot of things that celebrities do that I wouldn't do -- like perfumes, lines of clothing and this that and the other. But this [children's book] is right up my alley.

35. I'm a writer and this is what I love to do. There's no reason that just because you're a celebrity, you can't write.

36. I have always considered my life a private affair and the business of no one beyond my family and those I love. Except for moral and political issues that aroused in me a desire to speak out, I have done my utmost throughout my life, for the sake of my children and myself, to remain silent ... But now, in my seventieth year, I have decided to tell the story of my life as best I can, so that my children can separate the truth from the myths that others have created about me, as myths are created about everyone swept up in the turbulent and distorting maelstrom of celebrity in our culture.

37. He's the kind of guy that when he dies, he's going up to heaven and give God a bad time for making him bald. (on Frank Sinatra)

38. Here's your quote: 'Thomas Pynchon loved this book, almost as much as he loves cameras!' Hey, over here! Have your picture taken with a reclusive author! Today only, we'll throw in a free autograph! But wait, there's more!

39. If I went to jail, at least I wouldn't have to sign autographs. (1991)

40. When I started this song I was still thirty-three The age that Mozart died and sweet Jesus was set free Keats and Shelley too soon finished, Charley Parker would be And I fantasized some tragedy'd be soon curtailing me Well just today I had my birthday I made it thirty-four Mere mortal, not immortal, not star-crossed anymore I've got this problem with my aging I no longer can ignore A tame and toothless tabby can't produce a lion's roar

41. Beyonce smiled at me once. Though not because she knew who I was or anything, but because I looked a bit creepy. It was nice though, because she's so pretty.

42. The average celebrity meets in one year ten times the amount of people that the average person meets in his entire life. (in an interview on making 'The Shining')

43. Elvis are you out there somewhere Looking like a happy man? In the snow with Rosebud And King of the Mountain.

44. Trinny and Susannah are what they are - there's no fakery.

45. I do have some sad news to report. Bjork couldn't be here tonight. She was trying on her Oscar dress and Dick Cheney shot her.

46. I didn't think they airbrushed anything that much any more! (in Cincinnati, on 3/3/07, re: Rachel Ray on a box of Triscuits)

47. I have decided to move from the planet. I'm sorry but I simply cannot remain on a world where Paris Hilton is allowed to publish 'memoirs.' (Sunday, September 05, 2004)

48. Since her appointment as a Goodwill Ambassador, Angelina has more than fulfilled my expectations. She has proven to be a close partner and a genuine colleague in our efforts to find solutions for the world's refugees. Above all, she has helped to make the tragedy of refugees real to everyone who will listen. Angelina's interest in helping refugees, her personal generosity, and her truly compassionate spirit are an inspiration to us all.

49. 'Out came Ms. Hilton in a Juicy track suit, chattering away like a Gibbon on her jewel encrusted cell phone. It was like magic, if magic were like a extra-strength laxative.'

50. Fame is almost a poison. I couldn't care less, in fact I lived better when I was a nobody.

51. Plato would have no actors in his republic, in case pretence devoured what was real. Plato's fears have proved well-grounded. Actors, despised, almost outcast, until last century, have become something more than respectable. They, together with all those imitation actors, pop stars, TV celebrities, people who are famous for being famous, now receive adulation. They are the millionaires, the courtesans of our system. Solzhenitsyn, escaping to a West he had once admired, snarled at the meretricious falsity of what he found. We have built illusions round us and see no way out of the glass forest.

52. Carlson: Give me the chronology of the kiss. How did you decide to kiss Madonna? Spears: Actually, in rehearsals it wasn't something like 'This is what we're going to do.' It was kind of like we play around a little bit and she said before the performance, let's just feel it out and see what happens. I didn't know it was going to be that long and everything, but it was cool.

53. Yes, I've done Britney Spears, but don't blame me, okay? I make her up and she just takes everything off and does her own thing.

54. Every time I Look at that girl on television,I admire her not beacuse she's a celebrity, I don't admire her celebreality, I admire her because she's a child of God and doesn't know it,.I'm talkin' 'bout Britney Spears. It breaks my heart. Anna Nicole, It broke my heart, you know I knew what she was doing, I didn't like what she was doing,But I know she's a child of God, and I see people all the time, who have so much that don't know they have, so much beauty, inner beauty and so much going for them that they don't know's goin', But the Devil will take everything from you, if you don't know who you are in Christ.'

55. I'm not this together, well adjusted rock star guy, that's not true: I'm as fucked up as anybody.

56. Michael Jackson [is] about to lose everything he owns. You know why? Fucked around with a white boy!

57. I'm watching the news : Tupac Shakur was assassinated, Biggie Smalls assassinated, struck down by assassin's bullets : no, they wasn't. Martin Luther King was assassinated, Malcolm X was assassinated, John F. Kennedy was assassinated. Them two niggers got shot! Shit, I love Tupac, I love Biggie, but school will be open on their birthday.

58. Ed Bradley looked at Michael Jackson like he wanted to say, 'Nigger, is you crazy?' Like he wanted to take the the 60 Minutes clock and push the shit forward to say, 'Nigger, what the fuck is wrong with you?' 'I thought you said it was 60 minutes :' 'It's 10 minutes, get outta here! You nutty nigger, what the fuck is wrong with you?'

59. [R Kelly]'s got a lot of balls. Talking about 'it ain't me'. Got a damn sex tape out; 'it ain't me'. Motherfucker, we know what you look like. That's you, okay? There's a damn Soul Train award right next to the bed.

60. Is it just me, or is Jermaine Jackson the greasiest nigger you ever seen in your life? Every time Jermaine comes on, I gotta wipe the grease off the screen! Can't see shit! Jermaine must have been on. Even the police can't catch his ass, 'cause every time they try, he just slips out! They be like, 'Somebody throw some sand on that nigger! Please!'

61. Our next presenter is the first woman to ever breast-feed an Apple - Gwyneth Paltrow.

62. Well, obviously, I didn`t expect the career. I always hoped that I`d be able to do something, whether it be as a teacher back home in North Carolina or working with some type of non-profit in some way. As the career took form, I kind of feel like it`s every celebrity`s responsibility really. I kind of like to look at this as an opportunity, I guess, to teach in a bigger classroom.'

63. 'We have someone here today, from the smash hit show American Idol, we're thrilled to have him joining us today, because when it was made known that he would appear on this Telethon, the emails and the fan clubs that this young man has have sent us $30,000.00 just at the fact that he was here.

64. ' In the last ten years, as editor in chief of Today's Caregiver Magazine, I have interviewed many people who are living in the public eye, all of them having something of importance to say to family caregivers. Most times they've become caregivers after becoming famous, usually due to themselves or a family member taking ill. Our keynote speaker today is unique in that he is a professionally trained caregiver before he became known to all of us. And through the unbelievable constraints that have been placed on his time, he's never lost sight of his goal of becoming a teacher and helping children living with developmental disabilities. Only his classroom has become a whole lot larger than he ever expected.

65. 'I think that Britney has blown more things than the gearbox on her Ferrari lately and Christina is living proof that you can polish a turd.'

66. You see Al Jourgensen of MINISTRY going around saying 'Fuck Bush.' And I've always liked MINISTRY but I know that guy has a legendary drug problem so you can't really take what he is saying seriously. The United States is the strongest country in the world for a reason. Now I'm gonna vote for Bush. I voted for Clinton, but I don't give a fuck because I vote for the lesser of two evils. Kerry is a mistake. He will ruin our country. But the fact that people would vote based on who a celebrity endorses is just stupid. Don't vote for Bush because I'm voting for him. Don't vote for Kerry because you hate me.'

67. [Smith Puget is wearing odd sunglasses] Davey: I think I saw the Olsen Twins wearing those. *both pause* ...I'm not kidding.

68. Mark (panasonicyouth on Buzznet): Who would win in a dance off? Davey or Jade?

69. Let The Rock get this straight. You invited The Rock to speak at the Republican National Convention? Well, The Rock says this: What is the matter with you people?

70. For the millions... and millions of The Rock's fans...

71. It must be so humiliating to have such a public break-up.

72. You know, Bush is always comparing me to Elvis in sort of unflattering ways. I don't think Bush would have liked Elvis very much, and that's just another thing that's wrong with him.

73. It isn't enough to say that Elvis is kind to his parents, sends money home, and is the same unspoiled kid he was before all the commotion began. That still isn't a free ticket to behave like a sex maniac in public.

74. That's my idol, Elvis Presley. If you went to my house, you'd see pictures all over of Elvis. He's just the greatest entertainer that ever lived. And I think it's because he had such presence. When Elvis walked into a room, Elvis Presley was in the fucking room. I don't give a fuck who was in the room with him, Bogart, Marilyn Monroe...

75. He was the firstest with the mostest.

76. That Elvis, man, he is all there is. There ain't no more. Everything starts and ends with him. He wrote the book.

77. I wanted to say to Elvis Presley and the country that this is a real decent, fine boy.

78. 'Do you know how hard it is to fake your own death? Only one man has pulled it off - Elvis'.

79. Elvis was a hero to most but he never meant shit to me. Yes, he's a straight-out racist. The sucker was simple and plain.

80. 'No I'm not the first king of controversy. I am the worst thing since Elvis Presley, to do black music so selfishly and used it to get myself wealthy '

81. And then I went over to the concession stand to get some tea and I ran into Fiona Apple, and I was like, 'Who do you think you are, Fiona Snapple?'

82. 'It's a funny thing this celebrity. If you don't wave back you're a miserable bugger, if you do wave back you're a big-headed bugger. I don't know.'

83. If Frank Sinatra owed you a favor, you should ask him to have one of his buddies kill Andy Williams.

84. Mickey Mouse's birthday being announced on the television news as if it's an actual event. I don't give a shit! If I cared about Mickey Mouse's birthday I'd have memorized it years ago. And I'd send him a card: 'Dear Mickey, Happy Birthday. Love, George.' But I don't. Why? I don't give a shit. Fuck Mickey Mouse! Fuck him in the asshole with a big rubber dick! And then break it off and beat him with the rest of it! I hope Mickey dies! I do - I hope he goddamn dies! I hope he gets a hold of some tainted cheese, and dies lonely and forgotten in the soiled baseport of a poor neighborhood, with his hand in Goofy's pants. No wonder no one takes this country seriously anymore - we waste valuable time informing our citizens of the age of an imaginary rodent!

85. Just because we're celebrities, we shouldn't get dissed. What people might be complaining about is that they think a lot of these [other] celebrities don't write their own books. But I've written every word in this book -- both in English and in Spanish. I love music and I love children and I love animals, and it's a great combo of all those things.

86. 'You got to meet everyone - Jackie Kennedy, William Burroughs.' People always put that sentence the wrong way around. I mean, why not put it the true way, that these people got to meet me, and wanted to? Otherwise it sounds like I spent my life hustling around trying to meet people: 'Oh, look, there's the governor.'

87. I always love it when a great, new, comedian gets hit by a bus.

88. We know you understand that even though people may be well known they still hold in their hearts the emotions of a simple person for the moments that are the most important of those we know on earth-birth, marriage, death. We wish our wedding to be a private moment in the little chapel among the cypresses of Skorpios.

89. 'I saw Billy Idol about 6 years ago getting out of limo and I yelled 'Billy Idol!!' at him, in case maybe he forgot. He gave me a thumbs up.'

90. The celebrity never sees himself. I have some idea what I'm doing on that stage; above all, I have some idea what sustains me on that stage. But the celebrity is not exactly Jimmy, though he comes out of Jimmy and Jimmy nourishes that, too. I can see now, with hindsight, that I would've had to become a celebrity in order to survive. A boy like me with all his handicaps, real and fancied, could not have survived in obscurity. I can say that it would have had to happen this way, though I could not see it coming.

91. Hi who are you wearing, or who the fuck are you? I don't know half of these people anymore.

92. On being told by a fan 'meeting you is like a dream', Peel replied 'You ought to get some bigger dreams, son.'

93. People like Mike Read and DLT would often complain that they couldn't go anywhere without being recognized, but of course would go everywhere in a tartan suit carrying a guitar, so they would have attracted attention in a lunatic asylum. In the streets of London, people would go, 'Who the fuck is that? Isn't that that Mike Read bloke?'

94. I don't know what all the controversy is about, quite frankly. I've met Eminem, I met him backstage, and he's really gay.

95. 'The best actors always retain an air of mystery. The boring actors are the ones who give 100 per cent. One will never get to know the real Jude Law.' - Po-Chih Leong [7]

96. 'Nicollette Sheridan? Personality of spam.'

97. Another Hollywood waitress Is telling us she's having your baby And there's a rumour that you're on ice And you will rise again someday.

98. What helps it now, that Byron bore, With haughty scorn which mocked the smart, Through Europe to the Aetolian shore The pageant of his bleeding heart? That thousands counted every groan, And Europe made his woe her own?

99. The best part of any fashion show is Karl Lagerfeld with his white hair, and the big glasses, and a fuckin' fan. Like he's some kind of Spanish lady or something. And I look at the fan and I'm like, 'Bitch, it's not that hot, what'choo doin'?'

100. TV bosses rely on revelations about the private lives of their stars to hook an audience.