178 Celebrity Quotes

I love Los Angeles. I love Hollywood. They're beautiful. Everybody's plastic, but I love plastic. I want to be plastic.

I met someone on the street who said wasn't it great that we're going to have a movie star for president, that it was so Pop, and (laughs) when you think about it like that, it is great, it's so American.

Zsa Zsa Gabor got married as a one-off, and it was so successful she turned it into a series.

Sometimes girls write me. One girl in Yugoslavia sent me a whole slew of love letters. I don't know how she got my address. She was in a crowd watching me play. She says when I left there the stars fell out of the sky over Yugoslavia, or something like that.

My dad was undeniably famous when I was a kid - he was on Wogan and Clive James and the radio every week, but as far as I was concerned he wasn't famous enough. My best friend was Ben Brooke-Taylor. His dad Tim was in The Goodies - that was famous.

A star on a movie set is like a time bomb. That bomb has got to be defused so people can approach it without fear.

Tonight I'll be interviewing Ken Watanabe, Keisha Castle Hughes, Benecio Del Toro and Djimon Honsou - and yes, those are actors, not caterers.

Everybody smokes! Models, actresses, everyone! Don't they realize that it's gross? I understand it's an addiction, but it still pains me to see my friends do it.

I am sure I would love to do it now, but back then, I was, like, 11 and it was 'ugh.' There's nothing sexual or sexy when you're that age. So I was kissing Brad Pitt. So what? He had chapped lips. He was lovely and kind and sweet to me, but it was just yuk.

The power and influence of a movie star is curious: I didn't ask for it or take it; people gave it to me. Simply because you're a movie star, people empower you with special rights and privileges.

The first time I remember women reacting to me was when we were filming Hud in Texas. Women were literally trying to climb through the transoms at the motel where I stayed. At first, it's flattering to the ego. At first. Then you realize that they're mixing me up with the roles I play - characters created by writers who have nothing to do with who I am.

The downside of my celebrity is that I cannot go anywhere in the world without being recognized. It is not enough for me to wear dark sunglasses and a wig. The wheelchair gives me away.

Shaq is rich. The white man who signs his check : is wealthy. 'Ah, here you go, Shaq. Go buy yourself a bouncing car. Bling, bling!'

You won't be able to take your eyes off the next four presenters: Salma Hayek and Penelope Cruz.

In closing, Johnny Depp is still hot; Mars Volta deserves the world, and happy birthday, Mom!

'Viewers have a way of remembering the celebrity while forgetting the product. I did not know this when I paid Eleanor Roosevelt $35,000 to make a commercial for margarine. She reported that her mail was equally divided. 'One half was sad because I had damaged my reputation. The other half was happy because I had damaged my reputation.' Not one of my proudest memories.'

Never pass up a chance to have sex or appear on television.

Actors didn't use to be celebrities. A hundred years ago, they put the theaters next to the brothels. Actors were poor. Celebrities used to be kings and queens. Then the United States abolished monarchy, and now there's this coming together of show business and celebrity. I don't think it's healthy. I don't want to sound self-important, but all these celebrity shows and magazines - it comes from us, from Hollywood, from our country. We're the ones creating it. And I think it works in close step with a lot of other bad things that are happening in the world. It promotes greed, it promotes being selfish and it promotes this ladder, where you're a better person if you have more money. It's not at all about the work itself. Don't get me wrong. I love movies. But this myth of celebrity has nothing to do with movies.

'Mick Jagger is about as sexy as a pissing toad'

Lolita is famous, not I. I am an obscure, doubly obscure, novelist with an unpronounceable name.

However, living in Tel Aviv, he was spared the fate of equivalent figures in English culture, an endless round of arts programmes where those who have known the famous are publicly debriefed of their memories, knowing as their own dusk falls that they will be remembered only for remembering someone else.

These broads are millionaires, lionized on TV and in articles about them, reveling in their status as celebrities and stalked by grief-arazzis... These self-obsessed women seemed genuinely unaware that 9/11 was an attack on our nation and acted as if the terrorist attacks happened only to them... I've never seen people enjoying their husbands' deaths so much.

If you wanna get away with murder, shoot him in the head and put a demo tape in their pocket!

People try so hard to believe in leaders now, pitifully hard. But we no sooner get a popular reformer or politician or soldier or writer or philosopher-a Roosevelt, a Tolstoi, a Wood, a Shaw, a Nietzsche, than the cross-currents of criticism wash him away. My Lord, no man can stand prominence these days. It's the surest path to obscurity. People get sick of hearing the same name over and over.

A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.

I've been offered a lot of things that celebrities do that I wouldn't do -- like perfumes, lines of clothing and this that and the other. But this [children's book] is right up my alley.

I'm a writer and this is what I love to do. There's no reason that just because you're a celebrity, you can't write.

I have always considered my life a private affair and the business of no one beyond my family and those I love. Except for moral and political issues that aroused in me a desire to speak out, I have done my utmost throughout my life, for the sake of my children and myself, to remain silent ... But now, in my seventieth year, I have decided to tell the story of my life as best I can, so that my children can separate the truth from the myths that others have created about me, as myths are created about everyone swept up in the turbulent and distorting maelstrom of celebrity in our culture.

He's the kind of guy that when he dies, he's going up to heaven and give God a bad time for making him bald. (on Frank Sinatra)

Here's your quote: 'Thomas Pynchon loved this book, almost as much as he loves cameras!' Hey, over here! Have your picture taken with a reclusive author! Today only, we'll throw in a free autograph! But wait, there's more!

If I went to jail, at least I wouldn't have to sign autographs. (1991)

When I started this song I was still thirty-three The age that Mozart died and sweet Jesus was set free Keats and Shelley too soon finished, Charley Parker would be And I fantasized some tragedy'd be soon curtailing me Well just today I had my birthday I made it thirty-four Mere mortal, not immortal, not star-crossed anymore I've got this problem with my aging I no longer can ignore A tame and toothless tabby can't produce a lion's roar

'I saw Billy Idol about 6 years ago getting out of limo and I yelled 'Billy Idol!!' at him, in case maybe he forgot. He gave me a thumbs up.'

The celebrity never sees himself. I have some idea what I'm doing on that stage; above all, I have some idea what sustains me on that stage. But the celebrity is not exactly Jimmy, though he comes out of Jimmy and Jimmy nourishes that, too. I can see now, with hindsight, that I would've had to become a celebrity in order to survive. A boy like me with all his handicaps, real and fancied, could not have survived in obscurity. I can say that it would have had to happen this way, though I could not see it coming.

Hi who are you wearing, or who the fuck are you? I don't know half of these people anymore.

On being told by a fan 'meeting you is like a dream', Peel replied 'You ought to get some bigger dreams, son.'

People like Mike Read and DLT would often complain that they couldn't go anywhere without being recognized, but of course would go everywhere in a tartan suit carrying a guitar, so they would have attracted attention in a lunatic asylum. In the streets of London, people would go, 'Who the fuck is that? Isn't that that Mike Read bloke?'

I don't know what all the controversy is about, quite frankly. I've met Eminem, I met him backstage, and he's really gay.

'The best actors always retain an air of mystery. The boring actors are the ones who give 100 per cent. One will never get to know the real Jude Law.' - Po-Chih Leong [7]

'Nicollette Sheridan? Personality of spam.'

Another Hollywood waitress Is telling us she's having your baby And there's a rumour that you're on ice And you will rise again someday.

What helps it now, that Byron bore, With haughty scorn which mocked the smart, Through Europe to the Aetolian shore The pageant of his bleeding heart? That thousands counted every groan, And Europe made his woe her own?

The best part of any fashion show is Karl Lagerfeld with his white hair, and the big glasses, and a fuckin' fan. Like he's some kind of Spanish lady or something. And I look at the fan and I'm like, 'Bitch, it's not that hot, what'choo doin'?'

TV bosses rely on revelations about the private lives of their stars to hook an audience.

I wouldn't swap Jermain Defoe for Miss World, but he would probably swap me for her.

Everyone's thinking they're the new W. Axl Rose, just running their mouths and living in this world where nothing is real. Like, it's really easy to write a couple of songs, but that doesn't mean you get to run your mouth. The only guy who can do that is Michael Jackson. He wrote Thriller, so he can say whatever the fuck he wants.

Ah, that must be George Best's cremation.

I thought it was ludicrous to take one of those gongs from the establishment... it's not what the Stones is about, is it? I don't want to step out on stage with someone wearing a fucking coronet and sporting the old ermine. I told Mick, 'It's a fucking paltry honour.'

I did a movie with Peter Frampton. He's a musical genius, but I don't listen to his stuff. So I had to continuously try to draw attention away from the fact. Hey Frampton! Do you like toast too!? As do I. It is warm and crispy and the perfect place for jelly to lay. Now stay away from me Frampton, I ain't got shit else to say to you!

Nigella inhabits a strange world of extremes: she has experienced extreme tragedy, extreme success and has the advantage of extreme beauty.

Lawson's sexy roundness mixed with her speed-demon technique, makes cooking dinner with Nigella look like a prelude to an orgy.

She has flawless skin, perfect white teeth, a voluptuous body, ample height and lots of lush, brown hair. And then there are those cookbooks, which have become international best sellers. She has become enough of an icon stateside to be profiled last year in People and Vanity Fair.

Oprah is different. Oprah has an army out there that really listens. She's one of the great marketing machines in history.

And the magic word: Julie Andrews!

Make no mistake She sheds her skin like a snake On the dirty road to fame.

What are you thinking when you see Pete Doherty self-destruct? - He's such an intelligent man. I completely understand, I just understand.

Peter Sellers, a showbiz baby, was carried onstage two weeks into his life by vaudevillian Dickie Henderson, who encouraged the audience to join him in singing 'For He's a Jolly Good Fellow.' Little Peter instantly burst into tears and the audience erupted into laughter and applause. From Pete's perspective, this emotional scenario was played out more or less consistently until his death in 1980.

I think they just thought she would be a good kind of lightning rod. We did one or two rehearsals, and I know for a fact that people liked her legs.

If I have some celebrity, I hope I can use it to make a difference. The true social reward is that I can speak my mind and share my thoughts about the environment and civilization itself. There's so much shit happening with people who are exploiting their positions and creating a lot of negativity.

For those of you playing the home game this is called a Prince Albert. I'm sure that was his last wish. I'm sure he said, 'Victoria I'm dying...I would like you to name a Museum, a music hall, and a bolt through the cock after me. That'll be Victoria's secret. Go and sell little thongs with that little anal floss.'

Ladies and gentlemen, if you're going to Georgia, Jane Fonda and Ted Turner broke up. Yes they did. Jane found God and Ted found out it wasn't him.

Jordan's third favourite tit and second favourite twat - it's Peter Andre!

Trinny Woodall is a prime-time star, but is proper posh with mighty connections, as demonstrated by the six-figure sums she blagged from richer friends on Comic Relief does the Apprentice.

Woodall's husband, Johnny Elichaoff, as quoted in 'Dame Anita stays green until the last' (It's not easy being mean...) in The Daily Mail (24 September 2007)

Alanis Morissette and I actually used to date. I especially liked it when we went to the movies.

On being compared to fellow Kentwoodian and singer Britney Spears.

The thrill and embarrassment of becoming international pop stars was too much, so we opened our mouths and put our foot in sometimes. (1993)

Blown away by fame We could all feel the shotgun hit the floor.

Johnny wishes he was famous Spends his time alone in the basement With Lennon and Cobain And a guitar and a stereo.

Disturbed by the fame Just like Kurt Cobain.

Kurt Cobain reincarnated Sighs and licks his face.

'I always like the idea that you can turn on the radio and say, 'Oh, that's Clay Aiken. Oh, that's Barbra Streisand. Oh, that's Frank Sinatra, Oh, that's Tony Bennett.' They're a star if you can identify them immediately by their sound. That kid has his own sound. He's got energy. He's got soul. He's got it all. That voice pours out of him.' -Merv Griffin

He was an instinctive actor... He was quite bright... he was very intelligent... He was not a punk. He was very elegant, sedate, and refined, and sophisticated.

I'd like to wake up in the morning and hear on CNN that Elvis lives again

'I'm not a celebrity, I'm an actor.' Jude Law's answer to a paparazzi

'I throw root vegetables at them.' - about the paparazzi

I wouldn't have wanted to date white guys before but they're killin' it right now, Justin Timberlake, Orlando Bloom, Paul Walker..Every hot guy I see is white

Rudy Giuliani is a true American hero, and we know this because he does all the things we expect of heroes these days -- like make $16 million a year, and lobby for Hugo Chavez and Rupert Murdoch, and promote wars without ever having served in the military, and hire a lawyer to call his second wife a 'stuck pig,' and organize absurd, grandstanding pogroms against minor foreign artists, and generally drift through life being a shameless opportunist with an outsize ego who doesn't even bother to conceal the fact that he's had a hard-on for the presidency since he was in diapers. In the media age, we can't have a hero humble enough to actually be one; what is needed is a tireless scoundrel, a cad willing to pose all day long for photos, who'll accept $100,000 to talk about heroism for an hour, who has the balls to take a $2.7 million advance to write a book about himself called Leadership. That's Rudy Giuliani. Our hero. And a perfect choice to uphold the legacy of George W. Bush.

Politicians and hypocrites, they don't wanna listen/If I'm insane, it's the fame made a brother change/It wasn't nuttin like the game/It's just me against the world

Gennifer Flowers: I'm here with the Intercontinental Champion-- The Rock: Whoa, actually, Genny, it's The People's Intercontinental Champion. GF: Excuse me... The People's Intercontinental Champion, The Rock. Now, Rock, the people want to know--if you were the leader of this country, how would you run things? TR: Well, actually, Genny, The Rock feels like this. First and foremost, the term 'leader' is really beneath The Rock. The Rock feels like a more appropriate term would... 'ruler.' GF: OK, if you were the ruler, how would you handle the homeless situation? TR: I'll tell you what, Genny, that's a touchy subject for The Rock, the homeless situation in America. The Rock feels like this: as long as The Rock still has his palatial palace down on South Beach in Miami, FL, he really couldn't give a damn whether they live in a Frigidaire box or a Kenmore box. As long as those homeless pieces of trash keep their cardboard boxess off The Rock's freshly mowed grass, everything will be copasetic. GF: Well, how about the judicial system? TR: Well, first and foremost, as long as The Rock's fans across the country realize that The Rock is the judge and the jury, everything should be fine. Actually, after The Rock has contemplated that for a second, if The Rock were the jury, nine times out of ten he'd be a hung jury... if ya smell what The Rock is cooking. GF: How would you run the White House? TR: Tough job, tough question. But The Rock of course is up to answering it. The Rock feels like this: As long as all the interns in the White House, beneath The Rock, knew their damn role, and they didn't get out of hand, step out of line, and they didn't do anything orally wrong--excuse me, Genny--morally wrong, then The Rock wouldn't have to do what he does best, and that's lay the smackdown in a major way. Thank you very much, Genny.

I was wondering the other day, why it is we turn pop figures into idols? I have a theory, of course. I think we have this need to be cool, that there is this undercurrent in society that says some people are cool and some people aren't. And it is very, very important that we are cool. So. when we find somebody who is cool on television or on the radio, we associate ourselves with this person to feel valid ourselves. And the problem I have with this is that we rarely know what the person believes whom we are associationg ourselves with. The problem with this is that it indicates there is less value in what people believe, what they stand for; it only matters that they are cool. In other words, who cares what I believe about life, I only care that I am cool. Because in the end, the undercurrent running through culture is not giving people value based upon what they believe and what they are doing to aid society, the undercurrent is deciding their value based upon whether of not they are cool.

I'd like to say Roy Rogers would've given up Trigger for the western wedding outfit I had on.

(About Jay Leno) He's a strange man. He's a strange man with strange cars. He'll dri-drive down the street waving at you behind the wheel of a Stanley Steamer. He-he's a-a strange man.

Britney Spears got those ta-tas, man, bodacious as all get out, lookin' fine, butt's real nice, and I'm not even supposed to be grippin' the pony on Main Street.

'You know, they should make a wax statue of you and put you next to Carrol Channing at the Wax Museum' -Bud Dickman (Talking to Phil, Dec 15, 2004 Hour 3)

In my case, I would have dispatched her (Paris Hilton) relatively quickly, but, of course, I would want to teach her a lesson.

'Elvis is GOD!'

Help me, Oprah Winfrey!

Hey Snoop! Snoop-A-Loop!

The whole world was crying when Kurt's gun went bang When Eazy-E died though, it wasn't no thang Rapper dies of A.I.D.S. but you hardly mention Rocker blows his face off and becomes a legend Heroin and a shotgun, a hero is made Maybe I should do that shit so J can get paid

He rocked the United States by flying all over the country and playing that rock and roll He is a good singer He is my rock star

My sister, she says she knows Elvis She knows Jesus, John Lennon, and Kurt Cobain personally