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It is vain to apportion praise and blame. The truth is that if the vicious circle is so hard to break, it is because the two sexes are each the victim at once of the other and of itself. Between two adversaries confronting each other in their pure liberty, an agreement could be easily reached: the more so as the war profits neither. But the complexity of the whole affair derives from the fact that each camp is giving aid and comfort to the enemy; woman is pursuing a dream of submission, man a dream of identification. Want of authenticity does not pay: each blames the other for the unhappiness he or she has incurred in yielding to the temptations of the easy way; what man and woman loathe in each other is the shattering frustration of each one's own bad faith and baseness.

Simone De Beauvoir#57

GenderWarRelationshipsAuthenticity

About this quote

What does it mean?
Gender conflict persists because both sides fail to act authentically.
In plain terms
Men and women fight because they both act in bad faith.
What can you take from it?
Authenticity resolves conflict.

Where it applies

  • relationship counseling
  • social analysis
  • personal growth

Putting it to work

  • analyze dynamics
  • improve communication

Questions to consider

  • What masks do you wear?
  • Why is blame easy?

Another view

Structural issues may require more than individual change.

More from Simone De Beauvoir

  1. All oppression creates a state of war. And this is no exception. The existent who is regarded as inessential cannot fail to demand the re-establishment of her …

    Permalink to quote #56
  2. It is nonsense to assert that revelry, vice, ecstasy, passion, would become impossible if man and woman were equal in concrete matters; the contradictions that…

    Permalink to quote #58
  3. The curse which lies upon marriage is that too often the individuals are joined in their weakness rather than in their strength, each asking from the other ins…

    Permalink to quote #55

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