You just don't expect posh girls to grab your tits, call your trousers 'too clitty' and use words like 'pussy pelmet' but they do. You are so shocked by what they are saying that by the time you have recovered and thought of something to say they have whipped you out of your jeans and eased you into a Lycra cat suit.

In my case I slob around in old clothes in the country. But I have the luxury of knowing I can pull myself out of that. So I don't feel bad about looking like …

Susannah ... is on the right side of voluptuous and more laid-back. She loses things likes credit cards and keys.

Generally speaking Scottish women are pretty good. Look at Sharleen Spiteri and Lulu - you've got two fabulously well-dressed women in different ways.

You know what you look like to me with your good bag and your bad shoes? You look like a ruuube.

'What an unutterable catastrophe!' The apothecary always had the proper expression ready, whatever the occasion.

Proverb - a definition: The wisdom of many and the wit of one.