I could have been a serious athlete, only to have my promise cut short when I discovered Woodbines and women. Thankfully I have long since given up the former, and the latter have long since given up on me-except, of course, for the lovely Lady Stratford, who for reasons beyond my comprehension still tolerates my presence.

I am finding the inherent politeness of this place quite destabilising. Having come from a House where politeness is about as rare as an orderly queue at a Lon…

More people have probably died from eating dodgy Chinese food than contracting some form of avian flu. The last thing we want is for the Daleks from Defra to s…

Personally I wish the police had truncheoned the English fans to death, but I can't really say that on the record.

Sex and laughter do go very well together, and I wondered - and still do - which is the more important.

There's only one way to have a happy marriage and as soon as I learn what it is I'll get married again.

A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend; and he's a priest.