No, you don't wanna get me started. Jell-O with hair all in the mold. I'd be like, 'Damn, man, how are you gonna mess up Jell-O?' Jell-O is so wholesome and family-like. It just ruins it for me. To have a hair in there, yeah. I mean, I'm like, 'Come on, Bill Cosby pumps this, man!'

Every day, I'm standing outside trying to sing my way in:

And you can't go, 'There's a hair in my Jell-O. I'd like to send this back. Can I see the cook, please?' The cook is a big dude named Bubba Joe.

You have to be logical. You know? If I know that in this hotel room they have food every day, and I'm knocking on the door every day to eat, and they open the …

When asked 'How do you know a restaurant has good chili?' McGuire's answer, 'If the waitress has dirty ankles, the chili is good.'

Cook me in your breakfast, and put me on your plate, 'cause you know i taste great.

The cold pork in the fridge was wilting at the edges; it and I exchanged looks of mutual contempt, like two women wearing the same hat in the Royal Enclosure a…