Lord, the money we do spend on Government and it's not one bit better than the government we got for one-third the money twenty years ago.

When you put down the good things you ought to have done, and leave out the bad ones you did do - well, that's Memoirs.

When I die, my epitaph or whatever you call those signs on gravestones is going to read: 'I joked about every prominent man of my time, but I never met a man I…

You can't say civilization don't advance, however, for in every war they kill you in a new way.