91 Eminem Quotes

Eminem quotes

1. 'My pen and paper causes a chain reaction, to get your brain relaxing'

2. Don't do drugs.

   Attribution disputed; shown as originally published.

3. My brain's dead weight, I'm tryin' to get my head straight, but I can't figure out which Spice Girl I want to impregnate.

4. There's a place called heaven and a place called hell, a place called prison and a place called jail, and da-da's probably on his way to all of them except one.

5. You beef with me, I'm gonna even the score equally - take you on Jerry Springer, and beat your ass legally.

6. So if I said I never did drugs, that would mean I lie AND get fucked more than the president does.'

7. Smoke weed, take pills, drop outta school, kill people and drink. Jump behind the wheel like it was still legal!

8. My middle finger won't go down, how do I wave?

9. Mother... are you there... I love you... I never meant to hit you over the head with that shovel.

10. I'm in the fourth row, signing autographs at your show.

11. I just remembered that I'm absent minded... wait, I mean I lost my mind, I can't find it.

12. Got bitches on my jock out in East Detroit, cause they think that I'm a motherfucking Beastie Boy.

13. I'm buzzin, Dirty Dozen, naughty rotten rhymer, cursin at you players worse than Marty Schottenheimer

14. You ain't gonna sell two copies if you press a double album.

15. Extortion, snortin, supportin abortion, pathological liar, blowin shit out of proportion, the looniest, zaniest, spontaneous, sporadic, impulsive thinker, compulsive drinker, addict, half animal, half man, dumpin your dead body inside of a fuckin trash can, with more holes than an Afghan

16. My name is Marshall Mathers, I'm an alcoholic (Hi Marshall), I have a disease and they don't know what to call it

17. Slim Shady, Eminem was the old initials

18. They threw me out the Ramada Inn, I said it wasn't me, I got a twin. 'Oh my god it's you, not again!'

19. Just trying to buy me some time, then I remembered this magic trick - Dan dan dan dan dan dan, go go Gadget dick!

20. I like happy things, I'm really calm and peaceful. I like birds, bees, I like people. I like funny things that make me happy and gleeful. Like when my teacher sucked my wee-wee in pre-school!

21. I try to keep it positive and play it cool, shoot up the playground and tell the kids to stay in school.

22. I listen to your demo tape and act like I don't like it, six months later you hear your lyrics on my shit.

23. Remember me? I'm the one who burned your house down, well I'm out now. And this time I'm coming back to blow your house up, and I ain't gonna leave you with a window to jump out of.

24. I can't change the way I am ... but if I offended you, good. Cause I still don't give a fuck.

25. Fuck a needle, here's a sword, body pierce with this.

26. I'm ducked the fuck down while I'm writin this rhyme, cause I'm probably gonna get struck with lightning this time.

27. I walked into a gunfight with a knife to kill you, and cut you so fast when your blood spilled it was still blue.

28. I don't rap to get the women, fuck bitches. Give me a fat slut that cooks and does dishes.

29. But what's this shit you said about you like to cut your wrists too? I say that shit just clownin' dog, c'mon, how fucked up is you?

30. I put lives at risk when I drive like this, I put wives at risk with a knife like this!

31. Oh, you want me to watch my mouth, how? Take my fuckin' eyeballs out and turn 'em around?

32. My life's like kinda what my wife's like - fucked up, after I beat her fuckin' ass every night, Ike.

33. I don't got that bad of a mouth, do I? Fuck shit ass bitch cunt, shooby-de-doo-why?

34. I'm sorry, there must be a mix-up. You want me to fix up lyrics while the president gets his dick sucked?

35. How many retards'll listen to me and run up in the school shootin' when they're pissed at the teacher? Her? Him? Is it you? Is it them?' 'Wasn't me, Slim Shady said to do it again!'

36. It seems like the media immediately points the finger at me, so I point one back at 'em, but not the index or pinkie or the ring or the thumb, it's the one you put up when you don't give a fuck.

37. And Dr. Dre said ... nothing, you idiots! Dr. Dre's dead, he's locked in my basement!

38. Yeah, I've probably got a couple of screws up in my head loose, but no worse than what's goin' on in your parents' bedrooms.

39. Of course they're gonna know what intercourse is by the time they hit fourth grade. They got the Discovery channel, don't they?

40. If we can hump dead animals and antelopes, then there's no reason that a man and another man can't elope.

41. Will Smith don't gotta cuss in his raps to sell records. Well, I do, so fuck him, and fuck you too!

42. Christina Aguilera better switch me chairs, so I can sit next to Carson Daly and Fred Durst and hear em argue over who she gave head to first.

43. Guess there's a Slim Shady in all of us, fuck it let's all stand up.

44. You better get rid of that nine, it ain't gonna help, what good is it gonna do against a man that strangles himself?

45. You hear this finger? Oh it's upside down, here, let me turn this motherfucker up right now.

46. We don't do drive-bys, we park in front of houses and shoot, and when the police come, we fuckin' shoot it out with them too!

47. I light a candle and place it up on the mantle, grab a knife by the blade and stab you with the fuckin' handle!

48. A lot of people ask me stupid fuckin' questions. A lot of people think that what I say on records, or what I talk about on a record, that I actually do in real life, or that I believe in it, or if I say that, I wanna kill somebody, that I'm actually gonna do it, or that I believe in it... well, shit, if you believe that, then I'll kill you.

49. So as I got older and I got a lot taller, my dick shrunk smaller, but my balls got larger.

50. If I ever gave a fuck, I'd shave my nuts, tuck my dick in between my legs and cluck.

51. Whoops I did it again didn't I, my shit's harder to figure out than what Britney's tit size is.

52. I'm just playin' America. You know I love you.

53. They make it all up, there's no such thing, like a female with good looks who cooks and cleans.

54. Remember when Ronnie died and you said you wished it was me, well guess what...I am dead; dead to you as can be.

55. Not takin' nothin' from no one, give 'em hell long as I'm breathin'. Kickin' ass in the mornin' and takin' names in the evenin', leave 'em with the taste of sour and vinegar in their mouth...see they can trigger me; but they can never figure me out!

56. I maybe made some mistakes, but I'm only human...but I'm man enough to face 'em today.

57. And Haley's gettin' so big now, you should see her, she's beautiful. But you'll never see her; she won't even be at your funeral.

58. Yeah buddy, laugh it's funny, I have the money to have you killed by somebody who has nothing.

59. Jump start my heart quicker than a shock when I get shocked at the hospital by the doctor when I'm not co-operating, when I'm rockin' the table while he's operating!

60. And Moby, you can get stomped by Obie, You 36 year old bald headed fag blow me, you don't know me, you're too old, let go, it's over, nobody listens to techno!

61. Music can alter moods and talk to you, but can it load a gun up for you and cock it too?

62. It's all political! If my music is literal and I'm a criminal, how the fuck can I raise a little girl? I couldn't, I wouldn't be fit to.

63. I'm out the closet, I've been lyin' my ass off, all this time me and Dre been fuckin' with hats off!

64. It's like my mother always told me, 'Rana rana rana rana rana rana rana rana rana and codeine and goddammit you little motherfucker, if you ain't got nothin' nice to say then don't say nothin'!' ...Uh, fuck that shit bitch, eat a motherfuckin' dick, chew on a prick and lick a million motherfuckin' cocks per second! I'd rather put out a motherfuckin' gospel record!

65. My song can make you cry, take you by surprise. At the same time, can make your dry your eyes with the same rhyme. See what you're seeing is a genius at work, which to me isn't work, so it's easy to misinterpret it at first. 'Cause when I speak its tongue and cheek. I'd yank my fuckin' teeth before I'd ever bite my tongue. I'd slice my gums; get struck by fuckin' lighting twice at once and die and come back as Vanilla Ice's son, and walk around the rest of my life spit on and kicked and hit with shit everytime I sung, like R. Kelly as soon as 'Bump And Grind' comes on.

66. More pain inside of my brain in the eyes of a little girl inside of a plane -- aimed at the world trade. Standing on Ronnie's grave. Screamin' at the sky, the clouds gather it's Clyde Mathers and Bonnie Jade.

67. I don't blame you, I wouldn't let Hailie listen to me neither.

68. Rebel with a rebel yell, raise hell we gonna let em know. Stomp, push, shove, mush, fuck Bush, until they bring our troops home.

69. Let the president answer a higher anarchy. Strap him with an Ak-47, let him go, fight his own war. Let him impress daddy that way. No more blood for oil, we got our own battles to fight on our own soil.

70. Now in the Bible it says, thou shalt not watch two lesbians in bed have homosexual sex ... unless of course you were given the consent to join in, and then of course it's intercourse and it's bisexual sex, which isn't as bad, long as you show some remorse for your actions either before, during or after performing the act that which is normally referred to as such more commonly known phrases that are more used by today's kids in a more derogatory way ... but who's to say? What's fair to say, and what not to say? Let's ask Dr. Dre.

71. And I don't even gotta make no goddamn sense, I just did a whole song and I didn't say shit!

1. I am whatever you say I am; if I wasnt, then why would you say I am.

2. I grew up listening to 2 Live Crew and NWA and I never went out and shot nobody.

3. Im so tired of this, I could blow. Fire in the hole.

4. - You dont get another chance . Life is no nintendo game .

5. I am whatever you say I am; if I wasn't, then why would you say I am.

6. You don't get another chance, life is no Nintendo game.

7. I grew up listening to 2 Live Crew and N.W.A. and I never went out and shot nobody.

8. I'm so tired of this, I could blow. Fire in the hole

9. I feel like a spoilt rapper. I get to pick and choose everything.

10. Don't let them say you ain't beautiful. They can all get f***ed, just stay true to you.

11. My father? I never knew him. Never even seen a picture of him.

12. I do all types of retarted shit I can't change the way I think && I can't change the way I am but if I offended you I'm glad cause I still DON'T GIVE A FUCK.

13. You're flirting with death.

14. That Was Yesterday, Yesterday Is Over, It's A Different Day.

15. Never was a gangsta, till I graduated to one.

16. Nobody knows me I'm cold, walked down this road all alone. Its no ones fault but my own, its the path I've chosen to go.

17. You know, not to sound corny or nuthin', but I felt like a fighter comin' up, man. I felt like, you know, I'm being attacked for this reason or that reason, and I gotta fight my way through this.

18. I'm certainly not a f**king fashion consultant. Don't call me if you want to know how to dress. I just rap. That's all I really know how to do.

19. You've got enemies? Good. That means you actually stood up for something in your life.

20. My morals went when the president got oral.