I assume he was descended from apes like all the rest of us, but clearly in his case it had been a fairly gentle slope.

I had to calm down because a state trooper pulled up alongside me at a traffic light and began looking at me with that sort of casual disdain you often get whe…

I watched a rerun on television of a 1960s comedy programme called 'Mr Ed', which was about a talking horse. Judging by the quality of the jokes, I would guess…

My father liked Iowa. He lived his whole life in the state, and is even now working his way through eternity there, in Glendale Cemetery in Des Moines.

'Well, you know what they say about John, anyway?' 'Well, no I don't. Wh- what do they say?' 'Well, you know, apparently he's, uh, he's, you know, he's [cocks …

One cannot be always laughing at a man without now and then stumbling on something witty.

If evolution was worth its salt, it should've evolved something better than 'survival of the fittest.' I think a better idea would be 'survival of the wittiest…