143 Mockery Quotes

Look at The Rock's competition! Look at him! It looks like a big monkey came down here, took a crap, and out came Mankind!

No great movement designed to change the world can bear to be laughed at or belittled. Mockery is a rust that corrodes all it touches.

There is no such place as Budapest. Perhaps you are thinking of Bucharest, and there is no such place as Bucharest, either.

He loves to sit and hear me sing, Then, laughing, sports and plays with me; Then stretches out my golden wing, And mocks my loss of liberty.

On our way home we were waiting for the bus when a very fat, pompous-looking woman reeled out of a pub shouting, 'Melancholia? Ad nauseam.'

'This emotion I'm feeling now, this is love, right?' 'I don't know. Is it a longing? Is it a giddy stupid happiness just because you're with me?' 'Yes,' she said. 'That's influenza,' said Miro. 'Watch for nausea or diarrhea within a few hours.'

This guy Pat Robertson obviously wants to be a prophet so bad. I wonder if he walks around at home dressed up in a bed sheet, talking Aramaic, maybe parting the waters in the bathtub occasionally, just to keep in practice?

Come let us mock at the good That fancied goodness might be gay, And sick of solitude Might proclaim a holiday: Wind shrieked- and where are they?

The only place Al Gore conserves energy these days is on the treadmill. I don't want to suggest that Al's getting big, but the last time I saw him on TV I thought, 'That reminds me - we have to do something about saving the polar bears.'

What is more, let anyone laugh and taunt if he so wishes. I am not keeping silent, nor am I hiding the signs and wonders that were shown to me by the Lord many years before they happened, [he] who knew everything, even before the beginning of time.

Come let us mock at the great That had such burdens on the mind And toiled so hard and late To leave some monument behind, Nor thought of the levelling wind.

Have you been watching American Idol? They have Simon Cowell and Paula Abdul judging the singing. Paula Abdul?! Getting Paula Abdul to judge a singing contest is like getting Christopher Reeve to judge a dance contest!

An atheist-laugh's a poor exchange For Deity offended.

What are you laughing at? You are laughing at yourselves!

Never mind his carbon footprint - have you seen the size of Al Gore's regular footprint lately? It's almost as deep as Janet Reno's

So whether it's you Chris Jericho, Chris Jericho's Daddy, Chris Jericho's MaMa, Uncle Joe Jericho with the glass eye or maybe it's Grandpa Jimmy Jack Jericho with the iron lung, or hell, it might be even Grandma Jessebelle Jericho with the XX30 panties!

'And you walk down the Rock's ramp and you step over the top rope, like that's supposed to impress somebody! And then, Big Show, you do something that is, without the shadow of a doubt, the most impressive thing the Rock's seen, and that's this-- (lifts hand in the air, Big Show-style and moans) huuuaaaagh!'

'Do you remember how, all year long, the only thing Rock wanted to do in your class was make pancakes?' 'You still like to cook? Still like to bake bread? And you know your rolls, right?' 'The Rock says this. You should know your role, and shut your mouth; take a little walk down Know Your Role Boulevard, hang that right on Jabroni Drive, and check your Aunt Jemima, no-pancake-having ass directly into the Smackdown Hotel!'

Just so The Rock understands this, you're the WCW Champion Sucker?

The Rock could just imagine what you were like in High School! The oldest 27 year old senior the world has ever seen! Standing outside your house with your momma, and that short little yellow bus pulling up in front - beep beep, beep beep, beep beep! You just walk in on the bus, go into class, get inside the classroom, teacher up on the blackboard 'Ok class, what is 2 + 2? Do you know Booker?' 'Oh yeah I know the answer to that, 2 + 2? Thomas Jefferson, sucka!'

On this night 25 years ago, from the testicles of Vince McMahon himself came something so horrifying it sends chills up and down the bodies of men all over the world: tonight marks the birth of Stephanie McMahon.

Eddie Guerrero, you want a shot at the Great One but there's only one problem. It's you never told him whether you you were Cheech or were you Chong! Y arriba y arriba ! Oh yeah, whoa, whoa, whoa, The Rock ain't done! The Rock's got some more and it goes like this. Guerrero and The Rock in this ring will meet and when it's all over The Rock whooping ass on Latino Heat! Y arriba y arriba !

The Rock knows exactly who you are! There's a green shirt, H on your chest, green mask ... oh you're the Hamburglar!

Where's Snow White and the rest of the Seven Dwarves? Sumbitches... Is this the best you got, Eric Bischoff? Sending The Rock out with a bunch of Oompa Loompas? (referring to CSC Event Staff escorting The Rock from the building. They are all smaller than him and with beer bellies.)

(Addressing Billy Gunn) The night you won King of the Ring, you got down on your kness, and you said a prayer and it sounded like this: (whiny voice as Billy Gunn) 'Oh dear God, you see, my name's Billy, and I just won King of the Ring. But there's one problem. Everybody still thinks (in more strident tones)THAT I ABSOLUTELY SUCK!' And then Billy, the clouds parted, the Heavens opened, and God Himself spoke to you and said this: 'BOB,' 'But my name's Billy.' 'IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOUR NAME IS! BOB, YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT; YOU DO SUCK!'

'Do you remember how, all year long, the only thing Rock wanted to do in your class was make pancakes?' 'You still like to cook? Still like to bake bread? And you know your rolls, right?' 'The Rock says this. You should know your role, and shut your mouth; take a little walk down Know Your Role Boulevard, hang that right on Jabroni Drive, and check your Aunt Jemima, no-pancake-having ass directly into the Smackdown Hotel!'

Stormtrooper Mel (Mel Brooks): 'Don't be stupid, be a smarty / Come and join the Nazi Party!'

Then old Nobodaddy aloft Farted and belched and coughed, And said, 'I love hanging and drawing and quartering Every bit as well as war and slaughtering.'

If Gore had been elected president, right now he would just be finding that last lesbian quadriplegic for the Special Forces team.

I assume he was descended from apes like all the rest of us, but clearly in his case it had been a fairly gentle slope.

(Making fun of his new white roomate) 'What's the square root of this apartment!?! AHAHAHA!'

Leonard Washington : G-G-G-G-G-G-Goodbye! If you need money, sell rocks. I heard that's what they do out here. Say hi to your people for me and if they ask about Leonard Washington tell them I got my ass out of here!

'Sometimes,' I said, 'it seems to me that a friend might not take such pleasure in making fun of me as you do.' 'Dear Odd! If one's friends do not openly laugh at him, they are not, in fact, his friends. How else would one learn to avoid saying those things that would elicit laughter from strangers? The mockery of friends is affectionate, and inoculates against foolishness.'

'And you walk down the Rock's ramp and you step over the top rope, like that's supposed to impress somebody! And then, Big Show, you do something that is, without the shadow of a doubt, the most impressive thing the Rock's seen, and that's this-- (lifts hand in the air, Big Show-style and moans) huuuaaaagh!'

(third time Eddie tries) Eddie Guerrero! (in La Bamba song)

Okay okay okay! But let The Rock understand this big shot. You wanna go? Is that what you wanna do, Triple H? You and the The Rock, Triple H, one more time, do you wanna...go?' 'I would LOVE to go.'(Triple H) 'Well then go get The Rock a baloney sandwich 'cause this doesn't concern you. -both directed towards Triple H, during the same promo.

Where's Snow White and the rest of the Seven Dwarves? Sumbitches... Is this the best you got, Eric Bischoff? Sending The Rock out with a bunch of Oompa Loompas? (referring to CSC Event Staff escorting The Rock from the building. They are all smaller than him and with beer bellies.)

The Rock: '(to the Dudleyz) Who are you two roody poos?'

The Undertaker cuts a promo to The Rock. Here is the opening line of The Undertaker's promo: 'Listen young man, and I do mean young.' Here is the ending line of The Undertaker's promo: 'I am going to take you to the learning tree!' A couple nights later on RAW, The Rock responds to Undertaker's promo: 'Undertaker, you run your mouth about how you're going to take The Rock to the learning tree. Well, you're not going to have to drag The Rock to the learning tree. The Rock will gladly go to the learning tree with you. And then he'll pause once we get there. He'll reach up and break off a branch, And he'll pick each and every leaf off of that branch. Then he'll turn it sideways and stick it straight up your candyass!'

Undertaker, you think your Mickey Mouse tattoos impress the Rock?

'Well, you know what they say about John, anyway?' 'Well, no I don't. Wh- what do they say?' 'Well, you know, apparently he's, uh, he's, you know, he's [cocks leg]. Oh yeah.' 'I'm sorry, what are talking about?' 'You know, if I have to spell it out, apparently he's, you know, still picking up twigs in the springtime. Oh yes, one of Yul Brunner's hairdressers. Likes his toast done on three sides, yes.' What are you talking about?

'You asking me the way?' 'Yes,' I said, 'since I can't find it myself.' 'Give it up! Give it up!' said he, and turned with a sudden jerk, like someone who wants to be alone with his laughter.

The 'second sight' possessed by the Highlanders in Scotland is actually a foreknowledge of future events. I believe they possess this gift because they don't wear trousers... That is also why in all countries women are more prone to utter prophecies.

His eyes are so close together he could use a monocle.

I'd play at all the talent nights, I'd finish, they'd applaud. Some called it muffled laughter, I just figured they were odd. So I went up for an encore, but they screamed they'd had enough. Or maybe I just need a group to help me do my stuff.

I heard you could meet really hot girls there. But I don't know! I don't go on. But I did have a guy that was squatting & pretending to be me. And I had thought I gotten him kicked off, but I heard at the last count that there were about 30-something people pretending to be me on MySpace. So all those guys, you are sick, you need help, and get a therapist or something.

'Loser.' (Pronounced: 'lah-who...za-her') (Ace Ventura: Pet Detective and Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls)

In God's name, Count, you mock me! Ransom? How you jest. You have neither the will nor the power to do so!

Mrs Prentice: My uterine contractions have been bogus for some time! Prentice: What a discovery! Married to the mistress of the fraudulent climax.

Who and from where are you Dionysus? Since by the true Bacchus, I do not recognize you; I know only the son of Zeus. While he smells like nectar, you smell like a goat. Can it be then that the Celts because of lack of grapes Made you from cereals? Therefore one should call you Demetrius, not Dionysus, rather wheat born and Bromus, Not Bromius.

'You would now be an enemy, in the third class, of my own organization.' 'Only third class?' I asked in the indignant tones which Queen Victoria surely used when she received the Abyssinian Order of Chastity, Second Class.

Dark Helmet (Rick Moranis): 'What's the matter Colonel Sandurz... chicken?!'

I'm the only Jew that's made a nickel off of Hitler!

Mr Socko!!, Say hello to Mr Socko!, Mr Socko heard you (Vince McMahon) was feeling pretty bad so he came here to give your boo-boo a big kiss!

If I had lower IQ, I could enjoy your interview.

Saw the superb funeral of the Protector:...but it was the joyfullest funeral that I ever saw, for there were none that cried, but dogs, which the souldiers hooted away with a barbarous noise; drinking and taking tobacco in the streets as they went.

Isn't that the sweetest little well-balanced undergraduate-level philosophy of life.

Besides, you only like the asteroid because it was named Eros and that's as close to sex as you've ever gotten.

I knew you could shed that folksy talk the minute you wanted to Yes, I can do that. Just as I can speak French to a Frenchman and Spanish to a Spaniard and four kinds of red talk depending on which tribe I'm with. But you, do you speak scorn and mockery to everyone? Or just to your betters?

Al Gore could really pollute a bathroom ... Just look at the guy. If someone doesn't take away his pork 'n' beans, he's bound to get another one of those 'gut feelings' and mistake his own greenhouse gas production for science!

I know you are laughing in your sleeve.

You are not like Cerberus, three gentlemen at once, are you?

Mai Tai; Polynesian word for dumbfuck.

I'm just watching Sen. 'Dick Turban,' ah, Dick Turban is doing his - from Illinois - he of Club G'itmo fame. Ha! I wish Roberts would have shown up in the Club G'itmo T-shirt today. Maybe, maybe a Club G'itmo java coffee cup, just for Dick Turban. Ah, but anyway, Dick Turban.

Who's off his meds and is exaggerating the effects of his illness? Comedian Rush Limbaugh, that's who!

He made him a hut, wherein he did put The carcass of Robinson Crusoe. O poor Robinson Crusoe!

Every now and then they were awarded prizes - Self-Help by Smiles, and other books suitable for perusal by persons suffering from almost complete obliteration of the mental faculties.

'Ha! ha!' quoth he, 'full plain I see, The Devil knows how to row.'

Here, liberal liberal liberal!

I can't see the sense in it really. It makes me a Commander of the British Empire. They might as well make me a Commander of Milton Keynes - at least that exists.

Well let them take you for a clown And they're bound to bring you down. You got to make it through the world if you can. Think they're doing you wrong But you got here on your own. You got to make it through the world if you can.

'Ha-HA-HAAAAA!' (Often when either Bret Hart hands out his shades, or following a Doink 'joke')

'Welcome to Smackdown-Is-Stephanie!'

Write a number, any number and you win, it could be a one, a two, a three, or how about a four, any number.. And you wrote a v, well my friend, v is a roman numeral so despite your best efforts you managed to win, and lets see what you wagered. 'Suck it Trebek'

Man that Kendall Beye is so awesome, he is better looking then elephants rear-end!

[to Girard] I've got you, Pepe Le Bitch!

'Aren't you going to swim?' Piggy shook his head. 'I can't swim. I wasn't allowed. My asthma-' 'Sucks to your ass-mar!'

'You want a pig,' said Roger, 'like in a real hunt.' 'Or someone to pretend,' said Jack. 'You could get someone to dress up as a pig and then he could act - you know, pretend to knock me over and all that -' 'You want a real pig,' said Robert, still caressing his rump, 'because you've got to kill him.' 'Use a littlun,' said Jack, and everybody laughed.

'(talking to a man in Florida, New York) Shit, I didn't know New York had a Florida. That doesn't sound right. I don't think you know geography very well, you're being silly.' (from 'Florida, the Tropical State')

You know, Brock Lesnar, you wanna play games with The Rock? Ya think you wanna play mind games, is that what you wanna do? You think you're real smart, Brock Lesnar, why, because you came down here and you brought yourself a front row ticket? You and that big fat walrus so he could cheer you on? But you see, you're real smart, Brock, 'cause you do have a front row ticket, but you've also got another ticket, and that's to a big brahma bull ass whoopin', not yesterday, no no no no no, no no, no no no no no no, no, the ass whoopin' is not yesterday, it's not tomorrow, the brahma bull ass whoopin' is toinght! - promo on Brock Lesnar on the August 12, edition of Raw in Seattle

Kane, you think you impress the Rock when your music hits? All the lights go out. You got fire coming out of the post, fire shooting out of your ass, you got fire coming out of everywhere and then all of a sudden you're doing jumping jacks, you're happy, because Kane can talk. The big red retard can finally speak! Well, Kane, the Rock says this, he's in a giving mood tonight. You come on out here, the Rock got a little gift for you. He'll give you this microphone right here so you can talk in front of the millions *crowd finishes it* and millions of the Rock's fans, take your little voice gimmic, stick it to your throat and say this, (Doing an Impression of Kane) 'My name is Kane... and I am a roody poo candy ass!' And the Rock says this Kane, that little voice box you used to use, you left the Rock with one choice on what to do with it. The Rock says he'll take your little voice box, take all the batteries out, lube it up turn that sum bitch sideways and stick it straight up your candy ass!

Of all the Griefs that harrass the Distrest, Sure the most bitter is a scornful Jest

Well since Rock's baby left him... He found a new place to dwell... It's down at the end of Jabroni Drive at... Smackdown Hotellalalalalaaaa!

Dango, Pume, Thwither: down with Visbhume's breeches; let him hold his backside at the ready. - King Throbius

Little John Blinkin, fix your boobs, you look like a bleeding picasso

All-knowing, all-caring, all-sensing, all-feeling, Maha-Rushie

Living proof that a pig's bladder on the end of a stick can be elected to Parliament

Don't f**k with me Nigga you're barely livin, don't you got sickle cell?/See me have a seizure on stage, you ain't feelin well, hell

niggas think they learned to fly/But they burn mutha-fucka you deserve to die/Talking about you Getting Money/But its funny to me

*The Rock puts his t-shirt over Michael Cole's face* You keep your head right there, jabroni! Don't move The Rock's electrifying t-shirt. The Rock says this. *turns to Michael Cole* The Rock said don't move your head! Undertaker, you talk about The Rock! You run your mouth about The Rock and like you've just unturned a stone. You've turned over a stone that's never been turned over before, on how The Rock writes checks that his ass can't cash because The Rock talks trash! Like all of a sudden, nobody knows The Rock talks trash! The Rock lives, breathes, talks trash all day long! *removes sunglasses* As a matter of fact, Undertaker, The Rock... As a matter of fact, Undertaker, The Rock talks trash in his sleep. Just like this... *closes eyes and says in sleepy voice* roody poo candy ah... layeth the smacketh down on your candy... know your role... *opens eyes and snaps out of sleepy mode* The fact of the matter is this, Undertaker... *puts sunglasses back on* ...Is that tonight, and you and Big Show, it doesn't matter who it is because whether it is here tonight, or whether it is at Unforgiven, every damn night of the week, if you shut your mouth, *points in another direction* you shut your mouth, this goof holding the camera shut his mouth, *points in another direction* this chick gawking at The Rock shut her mouth... *points at Mankind* You be quiet, *points at Michael Cole* you too! Shh, shh, shh! If you listen, all The Rock's fans are chanting his name. *Fan's chant 'Rocky! Rocky!'* *Mankind starts chanting 'Rocky!' with the crowd, and The Rock points at him to stop him* Eh-eh! *points at Michael Cole* Keep your head still, jabroni! The Rock says this, is that tonight, he's gonna do one thing and that is lay the smackdown on your ROO-DY POO *crowd finishes it by chanting 'CANDY ASS'* if you smell what The Rock is cookin'!

Living proof that a pig's bladder on the end of a stick can be elected to Parliament

You take a kid that has Playstation 2, a RAZR scooter, DVD players, his own computer...what a candyass.