Drugs are very much a part of professional sports today, but when you think about it, golf is the only sport where the players aren't penalized for being on grass.

As soon as the war ended, we located the one spot on earth that hadn't been touched by the war and blew it to hell.

I do benefits for all religions - I'd hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality.

If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf.

And everyone is worried about players playing baseball, you know, on steroids, and I'm like 'Really? Well here's a quick way you can tell.' Two things happen w…

Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.

'Golf is a game in which you yell 'Fore!', shoot six, and write down five ...'