He should guide Posh in the direction of a singing coach because she's nowhere near as good at her job as her husband

Who the hell wants 14 pairs of shoes when you go on holiday? I haven't had 14 pairs in my life

Don't send me flowers when I'm dead. If you like me, send them while I'm alive

I thought it was my next-door neighbour because I think she felt that if I got something like that I would have to move