Quote #66

Pavlov's Cats: Day One: Rang bell, cat fucked off. (Oh dear) Day Two: Rang bell, cat went and answered door. Day Three: Rang bell, cat said he had eaten earlier. (cheeky bugger) Day Four: Went to ring bell, but cat had stolen batteries. Final Day, Day Five: Went and rang bell with new batteries, but cat put his paw on bell so it only made a thunk noise. Then cat rang his own bell. I ate food.

More from Eddie Izzard

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  2. Religion and philosophy, philosophy and religion - they're two words which are both : different. In spelling.
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  4. Agatha Christie? We go back years, me and Ag. She's a : she's just a : she's dead, isn't she?
  5. Pears can just fuck off too. 'Cause they're gorgeous little beasts, but they're ripe for half an hour, and you're never there. They're like…
  6. She said, 'Spell 'ant'', and I wrote out the entire alphabet. She said, 'That doesn't spell 'ant'', and I said, 'It's in there somewhere! T…
  7. 'My name is Mrs. Smith, I've made apples out of bread and dripping, a bit of green paint, and corrugated iron.' 'No, these are horrible app…
  8. And we're going 'Oh, Captain Clever! Whoahoho! Rattle it and if it doesn't go off, it can't be a bomb!'

All Eddie Izzard quotes