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There are two kinds of sex, classical and baroque. Classical sex is romantic, profound, serious, emotional, moral, mysterious, spontaneous, abandoned, focused on a particular person, and stereotypically feminine. Baroque sex is pop, playful, funny, experimental, conscious, deliberate, amoral, anonymous, focused on sensation for sensation's sake, and stereotypically masculine. The classical mentality taken to an extreme is sentimental and finally puritanical; the baroque mentality taken to an extreme is pornographic and finally obscene. Ideally, a sexual relation ought to create a satisfying tension between the two modes (a baroque idea, particularly if the tension is ironic) or else blend them so well that the distinction disappears (a classical aspiration).

Ellen Willis#4

CultureGenderEmotionIntimacyLovePlaySex

About this quote

What does it mean?
Sex can be romantic and serious or playful and sensation-focused; ideally they balance each other.
In plain terms
Good sex mixes deep emotion with playful fun.
What can you take from it?
Balance emotional depth with playful experimentation.

Where it applies

  • sexual education
  • relationship advice

Putting it to work

  • evaluate your sexual values
  • seek balance in intimacy

Questions to consider

  • What mode dominates your view of sex?
  • Can you blend seriousness and play?

Another view

It imposes binary gender stereotypes on sexual modes.

More from Ellen Willis

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  3. There is a persistent myth that a wife has control over her husband's money because she gets to spend it. Actually, she does not have much more financial autho…

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