Quote #4

I was walking down Fifth Avenue today and I found a wallet, and I was gonna keep it, rather than return it, but I thought: 'Well, if I lost a hundred and fifty dollars, how would I feel?' And I realized I would want to be taught a lesson.

More from Emo Philips

  1. I caught my wife in bed with another man. I was crushed. I said: 'Get off me, you two!'
  2. New York's such a wonderful city. Although I was at the library today. The guy was very rude. I said, 'I'd like a card.' He says, 'You have…
  3. How many people here have telekinetic powers? Raise my hand.
  4. People come up to me... concerned... that I'll reproduce.
  5. Always remember the last words of my grandfather, who said: 'A truck!'
  6. When I was a kid my parents used to tell me, 'Emo, don't go near the cellar door!' One day when they were away, I went to the door and open…
  7. When I was a kid, I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realized that the Lord, in his wisdom, doesn't work that way. So I j…
  8. When I was ten, my family moved to Downer's Grove, Illinois. When I was twelve, I found them.

All Emo Philips quotes