When humor goes, there goes civilization.

When a child is locked in the bathroom with water running and says he's doing nothing, but the dog is barking, call 911.

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'.

What's with you men? Would hair stop growing on your chest if you asked directions somewhere?

Our civilization, bequeathed to us by fierce adventurers, eaters of meat and hunters, is so full of hurry and combat, so busy about many things which perhaps a…

One might enumerate the items of high civilization, as it exists in other countries, which are absent from the texture of American life, until it should become…

What's going on? What do we do now? 'DONT FUCK ANYONE; YOU'LL DIE! Never mind, here comes MC Hammer.'