More from Erma Bombeck

  1. Before you try to keep up with the Joneses, be sure they're not trying to keep up with you.
  2. Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?
  3. Anybody who watches three games of football in a row should be declared brain dead.
  4. Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other.
  5. All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with white carpet is one of them.
  6. Getting out of the hospital is a lot like resigning from a book club. You're not out of it until the computer says you're out of it.
  7. A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend; and he's a priest.
  8. God created man, but I could do better.

All Erma Bombeck quotes