My unhealthy affection for my second daughter has waned. Now I despise all my seven children equally.

Money is only useful when you get rid of it. It is like the odd card in 'Old Maid'; the player who is finally left with it has lost.

Not everyone grows to be old, but everyone has been younger than he is now.

Manners are especially the need of the plain. The pretty can get away with anything.

Every child senses, with all the horse sense that's in him, that any parent is angry inside when children misbehave and they dread more the anger that is rarel…

My best love to yourself-to your mother my kindest regards-to your small, fat, impertinent, ignorant brother my hatred.

For all intents and purposes, we are married. We have two kids together, and she's the woman of my life. If she ever said, 'Hey, lets get hitched,' I would do …