'Y'know, God experimented with the other animals before he got around to us. You ladies oughtta thank him for creating the cow, and getting that udder idea out of his head!'

'Wouldn't it be great if people were the same in bed as they are in every day life? When Mark Spitz gets done, does he do a flip off the headboard and come bac…

'You ever see that sign: 'This Door Must Remain Shut At All Times'... why have a goddamn door?'

'What would a chair look like if our knees bent the other way?'