'My daughter's gettin' so big lately, I usually don't have to duck when I get in the van. Well my heart was in the right place. I said, 'Amy, wanna go for a ride in the van'...CLUNK!!! She doesn't cry. She just looks me right in the eye as if to say, 'Are you that fucking stupid?' 'Yes.' Then she cries...cause she knows we're related.'

'Women wear a pair of panties but only one bra.'

'If it ain't sex, what is it gang? Beer beer beer beer beer beer beer! You ain't an American unless you're drinking a beer! All the time, dammit, any damn time…

'Wonder why it is your underarms stink. Did it ever come in handy? Did you ever say 'Well thank God my underarms stunk! He came out of the bushes and I said Ge…