Quote #21

'My daughter's gettin' so big lately, I usually don't have to duck when I get in the van. Well my heart was in the right place. I said, 'Amy, wanna go for a ride in the van'...CLUNK!!! She doesn't cry. She just looks me right in the eye as if to say, 'Are you that fucking stupid?' 'Yes.' Then she cries...cause she knows we're related.'

More from Gallagher

  1. 'Women wear a pair of panties but only one bra.'
  2. 'If it ain't sex, what is it gang? Beer beer beer beer beer beer beer! You ain't an American unless you're drinking a beer! All the time, d…
  3. 'Wonder why it is your underarms stink. Did it ever come in handy? Did you ever say 'Well thank God my underarms stunk! He came out of the …
  4. 'I would like now to talk briefly about the Japanese, a race of very short people who are always bending in half. You can't make an honest …
  5. 'We go to school to learn to communicate, but all the teachers say to us is 'shut up!'
  6. 'Wonder why it is God didn't give us wheels. He must've known we get skates for Christmas.'
  7. 'Why is it called a 'building' when they're done building it? It should be called a 'built.' Or, you could say, 'I live in that crumbling o…
  8. 'Before the invention of the telephone, you had to lie to people to their face!'

All Gallagher quotes