Quote #22

'If it ain't sex, what is it gang? Beer beer beer beer beer beer beer! You ain't an American unless you're drinking a beer! All the time, dammit, any damn time is a time for Bud! Bullshit! Traffic Court. 'Hang on there judge, let me pop a cool one here. Weaving!? I can't even knit!''

More from Gallagher

  1. 'My daughter's gettin' so big lately, I usually don't have to duck when I get in the van. Well my heart was in the right place. I said, 'Am…
  2. 'I would like now to talk briefly about the Japanese, a race of very short people who are always bending in half. You can't make an honest …
  3. 'Women wear a pair of panties but only one bra.'
  4. 'Wonder why it is God didn't give us wheels. He must've known we get skates for Christmas.'
  5. 'Wonder why it is your underarms stink. Did it ever come in handy? Did you ever say 'Well thank God my underarms stunk! He came out of the …
  6. 'Before the invention of the telephone, you had to lie to people to their face!'
  7. 'We go to school to learn to communicate, but all the teachers say to us is 'shut up!'
  8. 'Why are all the home-ec teachers divorced?'

All Gallagher quotes