'If it ain't sex, what is it gang? Beer beer beer beer beer beer beer! You ain't an American unless you're drinking a beer! All the time, dammit, any damn time is a time for Bud! Bullshit! Traffic Court. 'Hang on there judge, let me pop a cool one here. Weaving!? I can't even knit!''

'My daughter's gettin' so big lately, I usually don't have to duck when I get in the van. Well my heart was in the right place. I said, 'Amy, wanna go for a ri…

'I would like now to talk briefly about the Japanese, a race of very short people who are always bending in half. You can't make an honest business deal with t…

'Women wear a pair of panties but only one bra.'