'I would like now to talk briefly about the Japanese, a race of very short people who are always bending in half. You can't make an honest business deal with them because you can't look em' in the eye.'

'If it ain't sex, what is it gang? Beer beer beer beer beer beer beer! You ain't an American unless you're drinking a beer! All the time, dammit, any damn time…

'Wonder why it is God didn't give us wheels. He must've known we get skates for Christmas.'

'My daughter's gettin' so big lately, I usually don't have to duck when I get in the van. Well my heart was in the right place. I said, 'Amy, wanna go for a ri…