Quote #31
It's been a rough day. I got up this morning, put on a shirt and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase, and the handle came off. I'm afraid to go to the bathroom...
More from Jacob Cohen
- If it wasn't for pick-pockets I'd have no sex life at all.
- It's not easy being me. When I was born the doctor told my mother, 'I did all I could, but he pulled through anyway.'
- I'm ugly I'm tellin' ya. My proctologist, he stuck his finger in my mouth.
- Last night I was making love to my wife and nothing was happening, so I said to her, What's the matter, you can't think of anybody either?
- I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice- I don't know if I'm coming or going.
- Life is just a bowl of pits.
- I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.
- My family was a bunch of drunks, when I was six I came up missing, they put my picture on a bottle of scotch.