Buying a used rental car is kind of like going to a house of ill repute looking for a wife. Anything that's been driven that hard by that many people, you really don't want to put your key in it.

I've said before that working with Larry is kind of like watching the Jerry Springer Show. After about five minutes, you will feel better about your own family.

[about rental car employees who ask if he wants the additional insurance]

Do you know why it's so hard to solve a Redneck murder?... 'Cause there's no dental records and all the DNA is the same.