I love Karl Lagerfeld, and they [PETA] hate him because he showed fur in his collection, and they protested his fashion show. People were chanting outside, 'KARL LAGERFELD IS A MURDERER! KARL LAGERFELD IS A MURDERER!' And I thought, 'Wouldn't it be fabulous if Karl Lagerfeld actually was a murderer?' Like, what if he just fuckin' lost it one day...backstage, at a show, in Milan...and bludgeoned Elsa Klensch to death with a platform shoe. 'I HATE THAT BLOUSE!'

[An article about Cho] started out, 'Funny, sexy, zaftig Margaret Cho...' What is 'zaftig?' Isn't that German for 'big fat pig?' I guess I was lucky; 'zaftig' …

The best part of any fashion show is Karl Lagerfeld with his white hair, and the big glasses, and a fuckin' fan. Like he's some kind of Spanish lady or somethi…

This old fellow came up to me and asked, 'Excuse me, are you Japanese?' No, I'm Korean. 'Oh really, that's very interesting, because I was looking at you and I…

I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.

I distinguish between maniacs and crazy people. A maniac will beat 9 people to death with a steel dildo. A crazy person will beat 9 people to death with a stee…

[to Veronica Corningstone] I'm gonna shoot you with a BB gun when you're not looking. Yep, back of the head.