Mark Twain Quotes on Satire
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Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.
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Probable nor'east to sou'west winds, varying to the soutard and westard and eastard and points between; high and low barometer, sweeping round from place to place; probable areas of rain, snow, hail, and drought, succeeded or preceded by earthquakes with thunder and lightning.
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H'aint we got all the fools in town on our side? And ain't that a big enough majority in any town?
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France has usually been governed by prostitutes.
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It does look as if Massachusetts were in a fair way to embarrass me with kindnesses this year. In the first place, a Massachusetts judge has just decided in open court that a Boston publisher may sell, not only his own property in a free and unfettered way, but also may as freely sell property which does not belong to him but to me; property which he has not bought and which I have not sold. Under this ruling I am now advertising that judge's homestead for sale, and, if I make as good a sum out of it as I expect, I shall go on and sell out the rest of his property.
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Conductor, when you receive a fare, Punch in the presence of the passenjare: A blue trip slip for an eight-cent fare, A buff trip slip for a six-cent fare, A pink trip slip for a three-cent fare, Punch in the presence of the passenjare! Chorus: Punch, brothers, punch with care! Punch in the presence of the passenjare.