Leo Bloom (Gene Wilder): 'Actors are not animals! They're human beings!' Max Bialystock (Zero Mostel): 'They are? Have you ever eaten with one?'

Max Bialystock (Zero Mostel): 'How could this happen? I was so careful. I picked the wrong play, the wrong director, the wrong cast. Where did I go right?'

Igor (Marty Feldman): 'My grandfather used to work for your grandfather. Of course the rates have gone up.'

Lead Tenor Stormtrooper (John Barrowman): 'Springtime, for Hitler, and Germany / Winter, for Poland and France!'

A scout troop consists of twelve little kids dressed like schmucks following a big schmuck dressed like a kid.

He had the kind of handshake that ought never to be used except as a tourniquet.

Lor', but women's rum cattle to deal with, the first man found that to his cost, And I reckon it's just through a woman the last man on earth'll be lost.