Mel Brooks Quotes on Humor

49 quotes

2. Jim 'The Waco Kid' (Gene Wilder): 'My name is Jim, most people call me... Jim.'

4. Sheriff Bart (Cleavon Little): 'Excuse me while I whip this out.'

6. Railway Worker : 'You shifty nigger! They said you was hung!' Sheriff Bart : 'And they was right!'

7. Josephus (Gregory Hines): 'I'm Josephus, and I'm the main course over at the Colosseum!'

8. Count de Monet (Harvey Korman) [consistently mispronounced as 'money']: 'Bearnaise, do we have any of those delicious raisins left?' Bearnaise (Andreas Voutsinas) : 'You ate yours. These are mine.' Count de Monet: 'Au contraire, they are mine! I paid for them! Hand them over!' Bearnaise [sotto voce, mimicking]: ''I paid for them! They're mine!'' [Blows a raspberry] Count de Monet: 'Don't be saucy with me, Bearnaise.'

9. Count de Monet: 'It is said that the people are revolting' King Louis XVI (Mel Brooks): 'You said it. They stink on ice.'

10. Impoverished Paris Street Merchant (Jack Carter): 'Rats, rats for sale. Get your rats. Good for rat stew, rat soup, or the ever-popular ratatouille.'

11. Other Street Merchant:'Nothing, I have absolutely nothing for sale!'

14. Moses (Mel Brooks): 'God has given us these fifteen- (after dropping one of the tablets)Oy. Ten-ten commandments!'

16. Jail Inmates: Eighty fff....Eighty fff....Eighty fff....Eighty fff....Eighty Six!

17. Ahchoo (Dave Chappelle): 'Man, white men can't jump!!'

18. King Richard (Patrick Stewart): 'From this day forward, all toilets in this kingdom shall be known as...'John's'!'

22. Robin Hood: Watch my back! Achoo: Yo' back just got punched twice.

23. Little John Blinkin, fix your boobs, you look like a bleeding picasso

24. Blinkin Robin, you lost your arms in battle, but you grew some nice boobs (Blinkin gropes the Venus De Milo statue left behind after creditors take away Loxley Castle)

25. Robin Hood: Unlike some other Robin Hoods, I can speak with a English accent.

26. Sheriff of Rotingham King illegal forest to pig wild in it a is!

27. Dark Helmet (Rick Moranis): 'I see your schwartz is as big as mine.'

28. Radar Officer (Michael Winslow): 'I've lost the sweeps, the bleeps, and the creeps!' [Explains via vocal sound effects] Dark Helmet [aside to Colonel Sandurz]: 'That's not all he's lost.'

29. Dark Helmet (Rick Moranis): 'What? You went over my helmet?'

31. Dark Helmet (Rick Moranis): 'What's the matter Colonel Sandurz... chicken?!'

32. Dark Helmet (Rick Moranis): 'I knew it, I'm surrounded by Assholes.' (This follows everyone on the bridge announcing that their last name is 'Asshole.')

35. Max Bialystock (Zero Mostel): 'I'm wearing a cardboard belt!'

36. Stormtrooper Mel (Mel Brooks): 'Don't be stupid, be a smarty / Come and join the Nazi Party!'

37. LSD as Adolf Hitler (Dick Shawn): 'Heil Baby!'

38. Lead Tenor Stormtrooper (John Barrowman): 'Springtime, for Hitler, and Germany / Winter, for Poland and France!'

40. Leo Bloom (Gene Wilder): 'Actors are not animals! They're human beings!' Max Bialystock (Zero Mostel): 'They are? Have you ever eaten with one?'

42. Igor (Marty Feldman) (limping off): 'Walk this way' - and Dr. Frankenstein (Gene Wilder) limps off after him.

43. Dr. Frankenstein: (Gene Wilder): 'Igor, would you give me a hand with the bags?' Igor: (Marty Feldman): '[doing a Groucho Marx] Certainly, you take the blonde and I'll take the one in the turban.'

44. Igor: (Marty Feldman): 'Sed-a...' Inga: (Teri Garr): 'Sed-a...' Igor: (Marty Feldman): 'Dirty word! He said a dirty word!'

45. Dr. Frankenstein 'Damn your eyes!' Igor (pointing at his lazy eye) 'Too late!'

48. Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.

50. After I eat asparagus...

51. You know Cuneiform? You know Sanskrit? It's neither of those.

52. Angel of Death ain't kissing me! I'm full of garlic!

53. It's Wheird, there's an H in there. Gotta hit that H otherwise they think I'm some sort of a kook!

54. [on ancient poetry] Nog Nog! Mkellen bebog! V'luch Matuch Maluch M'tog!

55. [on the greatest invention] Liquid Prell.

56. Excuse me, is this England? (while in a Hitler costume, after crash landing in England at the height of the Battle of Britian)

60. Humor is just another defense against the universe.

62. If I got a paper cut, that's a tragedy. If you fell down an open manhole and died, that's comedy.

64. I'm the only Jew that's made a nickel off of Hitler!

72. Good comedy is never frivolous. It's based on human experience, on human adventure, on human feelings. So it has to be profound.

74. The iron test is: Do you laugh? If you laugh, you know they're gonna laugh.

75. It's not like I've got these lines in a trunk that are waiting to come out in the next show. But when I'm writing a song that references body organs, you can bet genitalia will be at the top of my list.

76. Funny depends on coincidental circumstances.

78. Why should I indulge myself and do a David Lean-ish kind of film? I could do my little Jewish Brief Encounter and disguise it - shorten the noses. But it wouldn't be as much fun as delivering my dish of insanity'.

80. Oh, I'm not a true genius. I'm a near genius. I would say I'm a short genius. I'd rather be tall and normal than a short genius.

81. Look at Jewish history. Unrelieved lamenting would be intolerable. So, for every ten Jews beating their breasts, God designated one to be crazy and amuse the breast-beaters. By the time I was five I knew I was that one.

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